New here and need some help...
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New here and need some help...
| Fri, 03-25-2011 - 12:49am |
Hi, I am new and I am not sure where to post my situation but this seems like a good place to start since I am really feeling so much better thanks to this board.
I ended a four month affair (only one month physical) 2 weeks ago, well I ended it during a texting conversation but tried to backpedal right away but he was done with me.

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Your words were cruel.
I will also point out whatever I feel needs to be pointed out. Take or leave it, but the advice is given with sincere concern.
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It is great to read this. Being receptive to the advice/insights offered here is adamant to one's healing. We may not want to hear the truth at times, but it's very important to be open minded to the words written by those who have come before us. I know when I first arrived here, the harsh light of reality was quite blinding at times, but it was what I needed for eventually acquiring that "clear vision" that you speak of.
With care and concern
Kat
Being a "newbie" is hard but I think the "vets" need to remember how hard it is, I don't need to be smacked with the brutal truths of my situation, I am aware.
Thanks again Kat, wasn't sure if this board was for me or not but seeing your post helped, thanks again!
I am sorry its' been hard to hear the tough stuff - ALL of us who are still here have been through it, and we DO remember it, which is why we continue the tradition of stating truths as newbies emerge from fog. Every person has these click moments when all of a sudden things make sense. And while we are still a bit in the fog - holding even the tiniest shred of hope - it is offensive. I promise it is NOT the way it is being written.
That being said - the feelings you have of "deserving' what you got and the grief you are experiencing from the lack of the other - these are PERFECTLY normal. Here's the thing - NO ONE deserves anything - (I have a whole philosophy about the word deserve but I'll save it for another day). He was with you, now he isn't and it feels like a death. I know - I've been through many deaths both literal and symbolic. There are normal stages of grief coming out of an A - and it's important that you recognize them as part of YOUR healing. Your hope that he cared even just a little bit shows us that you still have traces of fog, even tho the bulk of your life is based harshly in reality. This will pass. I promise. We all want that validation that we meant something, ANYTHING - that we WERE SPECIAL. But Tuff - you ARE Special - do you hear me? YOU ARE. YOU don't need him to point out the obvious good things about you that caught his attention in the first place.
This board is about being able to cast off the traces of fog and emerge with tools to combat those feelings of the 4A's (attention, acknowledgement, applause and approval) not just in relationships - but in all aspects of your life. It is about learning how to fill your OWN ego/emotional tanks that have been drained so dangerously low. We are here to introduce perspectives and methods that allow each of us to restore our own good feelings about ourselves, and then how to make choices that support our real wants.
I am so glad that you decided to stay, and I hope with time you will come to know the vets and tweens who have doled out some hard to swallow advice - and gain your own strength.
Much love to you,
Tuff, I'm so pleased to hear that
Hi Kat,
When I ended it I hadn't really wanted to, so I guess Iddy was right - I was "dumped" because i was backed into a corner and was sick of the drama of the A so I said I was done even though I would have taken it back right away if I could have and I guess he called my bluff.
Thank you Lolly, your words were my strength today.
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