(new here)-This is killing me!!!....
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| Fri, 02-27-2004 - 7:44am |
I am new here, and hoping to find some sort of support to help me get through this. I was the OW with a MM, and we mutually ended it this past saturday. The decision to end it was more mine than his, not because I wanted to leave, but because W found my find my phone number in his cell phone(he had it programmed in there with my name!!!) and she told him to get rid of it and stop talking to me. His reply to her was "I don't know, I'll have to think about it" And when he told me what happened the naxt day, he was going crazy trying to make a decision, so I decided to end it. I miss him soooo much!!! I am going crazy trying not to email him, or call him. Please help me be strong!!!
Here is some background information on my situation.... We had only known each other 6 weeks, but fell very hard for each other!!! We connected instantly, had so many things in common. It was purely an emotional affair, no sex was involved, nothing physical other than a few hugs and a kiss on the cheek. He married when he was 19, has been married for 8 and half years, says he would not do it again if he could go back, he has an almost 2 year old daughter, which I know is most of the reason why he stays(he told me he was afraid of divorce, not because he was afraid of losing his wife, but afraid of losing his daughter). His father told him a year ago to get divorced, they fight all the time, they don't have sex(and yes, I belive this). The day she found my number, they had been fighting all morning before that. He told me it was scarey how perfect I am for him, he said if he could go back and do it again with me, he would. Our "relationship" scared him alot, there were a few times he almost said "i love you" but he always stopped himself. When we were saying goodbye, he told me several times that he would come look for me if it didn't work out. And then I said "i love you" and he said "i love you too" and we hung up :( he told me that he had thought a lot about leaving her, but he could not leave her to be with me because he said "where would that leave us in a few years?", that he coud not say "I am tired of you so I'm leaving to be with someone else". He says this is something he has to do to see if they can make it work. I know he has to try to make it work, but this is killing me because I don't know if it is working or not, I don't know if he is happy, or not, I don't know if he misses me, or not. Part of me remains hopeful that he will eventually come back, part me is afraid he never will. I just wish we could talk again :( It's so hard because we didn't end things on bad terms. HELP!!! lol
It's only been less than a week, but it feels like forever!!! and I miss him soooo much!!! :(
Edited 2/27/2004 7:46:10 AM ET by plainsong9

We've only been 1 day NC, and believe me, it's killing me. I miss him so much, and have to fight myself not to pick up the phone or e-mail. But, I also know that if it was real, we can still have a future together if things don't work out with my H. In the meantime, it's incredibly hard giving up something that made me happier than I've been in years.
Hang in there. Take it one day at a time. For now, focus on yourself. If you two really had something, maybe he'll come back. If not, you'll be on your way to recovery.
Good luck with everything, whether it's with your H, or not. I hope you find true happiness one day, wherevever that is....
(((hugs)))
:) We can do this!!!