New here... needing advice and sharing something that helped
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New here... needing advice and sharing something that helped
| Wed, 10-06-2010 - 7:10am |
Hi all,
I've been lurking for a while and just want to say thanks for everyone who's been sharing all their stories and advice, it's helped me loads. I've been reading and reading and this weekend (sat) i finally sent the email saying i was ending it.
It wan't the first time, but this time i felt different. last time i was distraught, sick, crying -- y'all know the drill. this time i felt strangely calm, relieved and even slightly elated. but it's different today, today is bad. today i feel sick, worried, desperate etc.
i am married, he is single and it's been nearly two years. it was intense at a lot of

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Hi, and welcome the Endings. I really enjoyed reading the article you attached. It covers many important issues re. detachment to another person and I am sure you are aware of our NC policy, so this in and of itself helps tremendously with detachment.
Disengaging our emotions takes time and perseverance. One little slip up and we have to start all over again. The more time you put between you and XAP, the stronger your resolve will become. I know this is the hard part, so of course you are going to struggle quite a bit the first few weeks of NC. But like ending any toxic situation or addiction, you have to start somewhere.
I wish you the inner strength you are going to need to get past this painful time in your life. Just be patient with yourself and try to focus on just one day at a time. Looking down the road any further will discourage you and your efforts.
(((Hugs)))
Thanks for the welcome Iddy, it means a lot to get a message from you and your words are much appreciated. I am committed to NC, perhaps that's part of the reason I never posted before and just read. I'm glad you thought the article was good in some way, i hope others do to.
It's so helpful to know that everyone goes through this tough period, and that the distance and NC is the key to all of this. I need to keep telling myself that, and not only not contact but avoid looking at facebook, twitter etc just 'to see'. I know it won't do me any favours and that it is in fact breaking NC.
Thanks again for the hugs and helpful words, i'm sure i'll be reading here non-stop for a while... it helps so much.
SS
Hi Seeking,
Welcome to EAS. Congrats on ending a toxic R. It’s good you waited until you were fully committed to ending and NC before posting for support. Kudos to you!
I enjoyed the article you posted and would like to add it to a thread I started on Co-dependency. It would be a great compliment to the thread.
It sounds like you have your head in the right place and it will take some time for your head and heart to be on the same page. It is part of the battle most of us fought after ending the A.
NC is a lot of white knuckling at first but starting early on to work through the feelings and replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations will help tremendously in the long run. In the beginning, it’s all about doing the best you can do to get through the day.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Welcome, SS-
Some days are harder than others, yet, _everyday_
Thanks E1, Dee and Amber for your words of encouragement. I've read so many of your great posts so I feel honored ti get a response from you all!
I have been, and still do, read the great healing library and it has kept me sane and given me the strength to follow through on my decision, as have all the shared stories I've read. It's great to know that we've got somewhere to come to for support and to share our experience to help others. I really hope I can be one of those people in the future and I look forward to reading and posting more.
I made it through day 1. Day 2 is nearly there!
Wow!
Hi SS, and welcome.
It sounds as if you have been preparing yourself and building your defenses for awhile by reading here.
Thank you too nolove and lillie!
Oh.. I am so having trouble letting go. :(
Chechi
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