New here.....ending this terrible addiction today....
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New here.....ending this terrible addiction today....
| Thu, 01-13-2011 - 7:20pm |
Hi everyone....i have been lurking here for a while gathering strength from everyones storys. Trying to get out of this horrible affair, addiction thing that i feel trapped in...
A little of my story

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Hi Angel,
Welcome to EAS.
Hi Angel - welcome to this board! You did the right thing.
Those xAP's...aren't they something? Blech...
The only advice I can offer now is to be prepared for the fallout. When xAP and I broke it off on Tuesday, I was so mad I deleted him from BBM, all his emails (which none were of a personal nature), hid his photo...you get the picture...and then WHAMO, the tears started on the drive home from work yesterday. Cried all last night. Woke up this morning and felt numb. So if and when you do have these emotions, go through them, because they do get better. There will be light at the end of the tunnel. I unfortunately still have to see my xAP because we sit on a non-profit board together (which I will have to regrettably submit my resignation - but if that means I can regain my dignity and mental health, so be it).
A's are like a drug and when you are needing your fix (contact), come here and post or read. Enough is enough! They tell lies. They have NO INTENTION of leaving their W's - EVER! Mine promised we would grow old together, retire in a warm climate, blah, blah, blah.
AA,
Just a warning that if you end an A because you are angry at the AP, it's not going to stick. You are ending due to an uncomfortable emotion, and not ending it for the right reasons. Make sure this ending is based on both. Anger will propel you forward but he can easily pull you back if you don't break all communication off, block emails, txt msgs, etc. and shut the door on this guy for good.
Yes, AP's/Affairs are very addictive because you are using him as an escape from RL issues, and you don't want to lose those feel goods that come with it. It's time to stop being selfish and start putting your H and children first. Read the D-Day stories here. Several gals have lost their H's because of their selfishness and you almost lost yours. He loved you enough to come back, but the next time you may lose him forever.
The first week is very tough, but NC is the only way to end an A. No slow ripping off of the band aid. You want him out of your head? Then start doing the work that needs to be done. Block and walk. It's going to take a long time before you will be able to stop him from renting space in your head, but you have to start somewhere. Make that today....right now.
We are here to support you, so reach out as many times as you need to.
((Hugs))
Hi AA,
Welcome to the board.
Angel,
Hi Angel,
Welcome to EAS.
I'm glad to read that you've been lurking and decided it was finally time to end the A and come forward here to be held accountable and to receive the support you will need as you end this A. There's really no better place to be because we all hear you loud and clear and know what you are experiencing.
Are you going to therapy? There is something deep going on inside of you that would cause you to resume/continue your A after a DDay in which you nearly lost your H. Unless you get to the root of your inner problems, you will not truly heal, so I urge you to seek T if you aren't already engaged in it.
You are very right about expecting good days and bad days as you detox through this initial ending. But I promise you that it does get better. Time and T are the best elixirs to figuring out what the A was really all about. Most assuredly it had nothing to do with him and everything to do with you.
Stick around, read and post your heart out. It helps more than you can realize at this particular point.
Angel,
(I'm going to leave off that addicted part because if you choose to truly end, the addiction is a temporary thing that you can conquer)!
Welcome, AA!
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