new & hurting..BAD!
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 05-06-2010 - 6:01pm |
Hi1 So glad I found this site. There is literally nobody I can talk to about this without receiving harsh judgement.
I had an affair that began thru a social networking site. I reconnected w/ a childhood friend. We hit it off right away. Just friends at first. he was so incredibally funny and everythihg my H was not. It progressed to flirting via e-mail, texting,web chatting, then eventually one fateful night of actually meeting and having sex. I didn't want to for fear of it ending our fantastic friendship. As it turns out I was so right!
We used to text arount 80 x's a day, e-mail daily, and web-chat at night for around 3 hours! Now, after that "night" of meeting, we prob text 4 times if THAT. In his texts he is always very cold, and it will take him hours to respond to one of my texts. I have e-mailed him telling him that it's obvious he isn't interest anymore, and I release him of having to "talk" to me, but he continues to drivel out these worthless texts-which are always about HIM by the way. He never asks about me or what I'm doing. Whereas three weeks ago, he couldn't get enough of me telling him everything! He made me feel so important and needed. Everything I was lacking from my own H.
I in turn helped him thru many of his marital problems. We were absolutely best friends! Now, it feels like we are total strangers who never even knew each other!
That's why it's so painful. I KNOW he doesn't need me anymore, and I am doing REALLY great as far as nopt texting, no matter how much I yern to hear from him. Should I ignore all his stupid texts & let this baby die out? Or do I remain on this confusing "friendly" terms with him?
I just don't understand why he hangs on & won't let it go. Is it out of guilt that he just used me & once he got what he wanted- he know longer needed me? Which makes all that we shared a farce-on HIS part! I'm such a fool!
I'm also feeling like when we met he was extremely dissapointed in me. He'd created this fantasy woman in his mind, and the "real" me didn't quite measure up. What a blow to my self esteem. First I feel like garbage for cheating on my H, now I feel like garbage b/c I wasn't pretty or whatever enough.
Thanks for letting me vent. I sound pathetic I know. It's because i am.

Pages
Hi Feelin'
Welcome to EAS. First, you are not pathetic or stupid. Second, yes, you must stop responding and go NC. YOu feel like crap. He's not giving you what you need. You feel used. You feel like you aren't good enough... again, welcome to EAS. We have all BTDT. The best thing you can do for yourself is to block and walk. He used you for the high and now he's done. It's time to start focusing on YOU. It's time to take a good, hard look at yourself and why you went down this path so that you can get on the road to healing.
You've come to the right place. This board is home to an army of wise and insightful women who can help you through this. Please let us know what you decide, because until you've ended it, there's not much we can do to help.
Hugs,
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Feelinlousy,
What Jane said....and Jane, I like that, we are an army. We are like the army in that movie 300. The Spartans.
Back to feeling lousy, Jane summed it up for you. Block and walk. Read what Jane said again and the healing library. In fact, read everything you can on here. It will make you see things for what they are.
If you A partner is Married, remember that a MM will works 3 times as hard as a single guy to make a women fall for em.
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Feelin,
You are not pathetic! First, let's get this negative self-talk out of your vocabulary. We have all been there, hon, and please don't let him pulling away make you feel any less beautiful than you really are. Are you married? You didn't mention....
Just my opinion, but to me it sounds like he got what he wanted (sex) and now he's done? Maybe he's just keeping the door open to get his ego stroked, or in case he needs you for sex again....I'm not sure- but I will tell you that BOTH people in A's are selfish and only thinking of themselves. By continuing to text him and be "friends" with him, you are allowing him to have your power.
Let me encourage you to end this now by going NC (No Contact). Trust me, nothing will good will come out of this, and if you keep it going, you will only it up more hurt. The ladies here will offer you some great advice, and it's not easy- but you have to choose to put yourself first and do what's best for you. Don't let this guy think he can just have you any time. You are worth so much more than that! :)
(HUGS)
Hazel
Ah, Luvin, you beat me to it- the cyber buddy suggestion is a great one. I converse with many of the enders here off-board and they have saved me. We are an army... Everytime thoughts of xap come crashing upon me, I visualize my army of EASer's pushing back the door to block him out. We are all behind you. Posting here is therapeutic. You will gain so much strength from the posters here, but I strongly suggest that you find a cyber buddy as well- it has saved my life. I can never have too many, so if you are so inclined, please feel free to drop me a line. I am not an expert. I am not fully healed, but at 98 days post-A, I have weathered the worst, had several life-changing epiphanies and can almost touch the light at the end of the tunnel.
Hugs,
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Thank you beautiful ladies for your support- from the bottom of my heart- THANK YOU!!
I have one question. I have decided to go NC, but I'm wondering the protocol. Do you send some kind of notice saying it's over? It seems kind of cruel to just end with no explanation right?
Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. I'm not exactly thinking logically these days.
Also, how do you get in touch with a cyber buddy?
Welcome to the board, FL. As far as NC goes, you just block and walk. Close the email address you have used with him, and if others are connected to it, just delete the emails before reading them. I know this sounds pretty harsh, but it's the only way you get your power back. Right now you are feeling pretty
~Iddy~
There is no protocol per say. We have a diverse group here n have ended it by just going Nc without telling exAp a word. Others who have there goodbye via email, txt or in person. Whatever you can deal with...as long as it's over, that is what counts.
And remember this is not about him anymore...your need to shift gears, this is about you. Not him anymore! Who cares if his feeling get hurt? Has he cared about you? Has he been responsive to ur txts? Emails? If u choose to cold turkey, do not worry, he will figure it out, no need to explain. Do whatever works for you. Just do it.
As far as a cyberbuddy, that happens all kinds of ways. Usually u just hit it off with another poster you can relate to. Someone who is perhaps in a situation like yours. Or u just find someone who wrote something that resonates with you. If you would like I can start out as ur cyber buddy if you would like...we can chat off the board. Just know that I do not hold back. But comparing to some other great women here, I am harmless. It's all love tho..let me know.
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Dear Feelin ...
Welcome to our incredible community!
Sorry I can't write more - but I am way behind on school this week, but I wanted to be sure to give you a ((hug)) and welcome you to the fold.
Trust the women here ... they've guided me to day 22 NC - and just wait to you feel your power coming back. It's incredible.
Love to you,
TU.
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
Hi Feelin,
Oh dear heart, I can feel the pain in your words. Your A has driven your self esteem into the ground. There isn't one of us here on EAS that hasn't been there. If you need help ending if, you are in the right place. I too had no one to talk to about my A. Everyone here is loving and non-judgmental. My EAS friends saved me.
Do not respond to your AP. Ignore his texts. You owe him nothing. This is now about you and your road to healing. Keep reading and posting. Come here as often as you can. We will get you through this, and I promise you, things will get better. You will get your self esteem back.
((hugs))
CSN
FL,
I am liking you already. I really appreciate you reaching out to Grey. You are on your way. Nice of you to support another in your new and emotional state, that's what we do around here. We support one another. We are a great bunch and I am so proud to be among these women. I am getting the feeling you are a great addition
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Pages