For the New Kids on the Block....
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|Tue, 05-13-2003 - 7:35pm|
Four years of waiting on him hand and foot. Not waiting on him to divorce his W, but I had convinced my single butt that he was my world and all I needed. Once a week, only one night and then the 4-5 times a day on the phone. Now...NOTHING, no Friday nights, no phone calls....Oh, and did I mention NC at all, and I mean none, especially since his W called me and said her husband was a victim and they were going to put a restraining order on me if they saw me on the same street. (I am convinced those two deserve each other).
However, again thanks. I only want the new kids on the block to hear from an old pro who was on the same street as you and only a couple of months ago. Yes,yes it takes time to heal and time to mourn a heart that is rejected or broken. THis board showed me how to get back on the road to being more spiritual with myself, how to actually feel REALITY, face it and make steps to move on. I am not completely out of the woods, yes I will always love this man with all my heart. I am in my 40's so it was not puppy love, but it was "wrong" love and love that was or could not be returned. Of course,he "mis-used" me, not used, mis-used me and I allowed it. Of course he is probably loving his W with all his might, but I tell myself constantly "it's none of my business and will I feel good even wasteing time thinking about the two of them?" I cried so much when it first happened I kept nasal spray near my bed and in the car simply from crying so hard I could not breathe. Now, I cry every now and then (maybe once every two weeks) and I am crying only because I wish that I had dumped him. I cry because I miss the old me and the old lieing, sneaking him. Its funny when we can not control the end of something we can only wish that it had ended differently. I thank God morning and night on my knees, I thank God in meditation during the day for each day that I am gaining another day AWAY from him. Now I give God special intentions and feel confident He is going to answer one way or the other and it won't be because I am trying to convince Him that "I'm in love, and God this is different!"
Don't worry about WHEN you will start to heal. It will happen. Come to this board, go to prayers, DO RESEARCH on yourself and little by little you will notice the changes.
Huggs and Blessings to all........rain.....(sorry for mis-spelling)