A New Perspective
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| Wed, 06-02-2004 - 8:48pm |
But, him saying that was probably the best thing that could have happened to me for two reasons 1. I will never contact him again because I have a little bit of pride left! and 2. I do not think that I could bear the pain of what other nasty things he could say to me. So as a result of that text message it has been well over 3 months of NC.
So, today once again I was lost in my usual thought of "How could he say that to me" when I turned the situation around and put myself in xMM's shoes. I always try to do that in a situation so that I can get both sides of the story before reacting. For whatever reason I had never did that with the ending of the A. If I were xMM I would have probably reacted the same way (probably not using as harsh of words) but nonetheless, I would want for me to hit the road and stay away. xMM's W told him to choose me or his family. I need to respect his choice and stop playing "poor me" no matter how much it hurts. He had to do what he did. If he was single like I was we would have hit it off great but that was not the case. I need to swallow my feelings and respect his wishes. Me trying to contact him only makes the situation worse and him more angrier. I have to accept that the times that we shared were special and to put what happened between us in the past because to be honest that is exactly where it is.
I feel that I have come such a long way after ending a year long A and this is the last hurdle I need to overcome. It is no longer "How could he do this to me / how could he hurt me this bad". I have to realize that he is reacting exactly how I would react if I were the one who was trying to redevote myself to my W and children.

Since coming to this realization of HIS thoughts (and not just focusing on mine!), I can not say I feel 100% better about the whole situation but it has helped tremendously. Those final words still hurt.
Sometimes I am so curious as to whether or not he ever thinks about me. I know that my thoughts of him are not the same as they once were but there are so many things that trigger memories with him. I wonder if it is like it for him too. Sometimes I wish I could have that final conversation with him to find out the answers to all of my questions but come a few weeks later I would more than likely have even more questions! If he only knew how I still think about this!
Just pouring out my thoughts here......
Edited 6/7/2004 3:59 pm ET ET by julietsfate
I do not know that I even know how to forgive him. But I definately agree that it would more than likely allow me to let go of some anger.