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New step
| Sat, 07-10-2010 - 10:50am |
Hi everyone...
Today on the rollercoaster of emotions, I feel good. Despite the horrible weather we're having here, I feel positive. Here's hoping that lasts.
I've changed my cell no and have no number for XAP - so I feel free. I can leave my phone whereever I want and it's gonna no longer be another limb.
I am going out tonight for a birthday so will be having a small drink, but don't have any access and the likelihood of bumping into XAP is probably about one in a million.
Has anyone been here before and does it work?
NC2 :)
PikuLou x

Dear Pikulou,
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Bravo! What you have done is take a HUGE step in the right direction and I am very proud of you.
Have fun tonight, watch the imbibing (I can no longer drink at all due to health reasons, which actually is a blessing ;-), and try not to think about JAM. The more you focus on the moment, the quicker you are going to heal. Life should be all about what we are doing RIGHT NOW and
~Iddy~
THANKS Iddy for the insightful words...
The more you focus on the moment, the quicker you are going to heal.
That is what I have been doing without realizing it. I am focusing on the moment and not wallowing in the past as much and definitely not thinking about the future in terms of xAP.
MO
MovingON
Hello everyone,
Thanks for your support and kind words about my big step... I do still check and wonder if he'll text, which is impossible. He doesn't have my number!
I've had a great night. Drank a bottle of Cava, and a few shots (sounds a lot but I'm Irish ;) ) anyways, coupled with two pints of water, I feel grand, just a bit tired. There's a party going on in my back lounge but I'm not that interested... and Im not gonna beat myself up about it, because tonight i DID live in the NOW and althought certain songs reminded me of him... I still had fun.
What saddens me is, I'm still finding it very difficult with H... he's tryin so hard knowing I'm depressed... being generous and very accommodating, but I don't feel it and I wonder will I ever? Perhaps I don't love him, perhaps I should leave.
I understand it's early days for that kind of thinking, but I always think deep down... I didn't love him like I should've for a wife. Otherwise, why did I do what i did?
That's the hardest bit... not XAP... he can go back home to his family and live unhappily ever after.
I do miss HIM though.
God, I sound so messed up.
Thanks again everyone... time for bed, it's 2.35am here.
Nighty night xxx
PL
Pikulou-
Please give yourself a lot of time to clear your head before you consider you H and M in any concrete terms. Perhaps you don't really love your H the way you should and M is not in your future with him, BUT you can't figure this out until you've addressed fully the ending of your A and given yourself time to sort out your inner-mess. Doing something rash re: your M at this stage would be something you'd regret deeply. Just remember that there is no rush! Your H and your M deserve your best, undivided consideration - not one that is all fudged up with A-emotion and clouded thinking. okie dokie?
Keep up the good fight,
Dee
Hi Pikulou,
I'm glad you had a great night. Hope you got some sleep. I am sorry you feel so sad. For me, things always look better in the AM.
Please don't be so hard on yourself. Time is on your side and I don't think you're ready to make any long term decisions about your M or H. You need to forgive you and learn to love yourself and when you do, I think you'll be able to love your H. Just my two cents.
Take care of you!
MO
MovingON
That's great advice... thank you ladies.
I know I need to sort me out first before i can make any decisions on my M. And should it end, as ashamed as I'd be (I'm not even married a year) I will want to do it with a clear head.
My phone bill arrived today, online need I say with history of all bills, and most used number... which means I've access to the number. This is dangerous. But I'm off drink for a while which will be fine and I plan on coming on this board every single time I'm tempted because the only way I could get that number is to go online.
I wish it was months ahead and this was over.
Don't know what I'd do without yas!
Love
PikuLou
Hello Piuklou-
Glad to hear you are taking such positive steps. Self protection is huge. It will save you. I am M and lived through 3 DDays. If you ever wanna talk about your feelings as you reinvest in your M, I am here to listen. It's been difficult and we have a long way to go, but my H and I are closer than we've ever been. Good luck to you.
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Hi SLOJ
thanks for your support... I'd love to talk to you about marriage after the A.
How did you feel about your husband soon as it ended?
When you said there were three DDays... how do you mean? I haven't and hope not to have one! I really do. Sometimes I wonder is that what I need
Hi PK- Email me offline (you can do so through my profile). I'd be more than happy to share here, but I have to run and I am afraid I won't make it back to this thread to share. And one caveat- I am certainly no expert, I can only tell you what has worked for me :)
Hugs,
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/