Newbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2012
Newbie
6
Fri, 04-27-2012 - 5:32am

Hi

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2009
Fri, 04-27-2012 - 7:08am

Hi RG

Welcome to the board.

My heart goes out to you sweetie. You have taken the first really scarey step towards getting your life back, rejoining and reconnecting with the job that pays your bills and the family and friends you have neglected - and just as important - find the way back to YOU!

No, he is not meeting your needs - and he will never be able to, because what you have isn't real - A's are not real, you can't go out in public, he can't meet you parents, or your kids - he will never be able to meet your needs, because he belongs to someone else, and he is trying his hardest to meet their needs.

I could not read anywhere if he was married, with kids, but I presume that must be the reason why he is not with you. I know this is a terrible time for you, but if I were you, and you are no long colleagues,

Every recovery is a kind of rebirth
Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
Fri, 04-27-2012 - 8:31am
Hello Researchgirl,
and welcome to EAS. I am so glad you have posted here. As a lurker over the past several months, have you had much of a chance to read in the Healing Library section? When I first posted here, I did not do enough reading. Reading isn't for everyone, but I strongly encourage you to take a peek. There are a ton of excellent posts that may help you in this journey out.
I say "journey"...it is truly that. It is YOUR journey. You have just taken the first, incredibly difficult steps to regain your life back, to regain your self-worth and dignity. From the sounds of it, you felt pretty trampled on. That is NOT a good feeling. You are worth more, so much more. You are a beautiul person, and that reality has been clouded over by the fog that has so thickly shrouded you. You have experienced intense grief...you went through a divorce, your mother passed away - no wonder you were incredibly hurting and needed a huge amount of comfort and validation. Xap saw that as his opportunity. Unfortunately, he is married. He has responsibilities to a W and a child. You were second place, though I am certain there were many moments where he tried very hard to make it seem like you were first.
Separating from the A is truly like losing that security blanket. For 18 months, you were wrapped up in xap and everything he provided for you. Sweetie, it was a false security. Nothing real about it. He absolutely cannot meet your needs.
Coming here, you now have people who will stand behind you and with you through this ending. We want to see you succeed. But, it will come with
much work on your part. You work with him, so this is going to be tricky. Many on this board have ended and successfully worked with xap...it is difficult but possible. You will need to take all measures to protect yourself from future communication with him. Blocking his number, email and FB are all ways to do this. Think of it as you are doing this to save your life, not to be mean to him. We, on EAS, have a slogan that says NC = No New Hurts. The hurt of ending is strong, painful and you will have symptoms of withdrawal. All of us here have BTDT, but we can tell you that it does get better. Please, please be patient with yourself. Post here often if you are able to allow us to encourage you through this. You are not alone.
Thanks again for posting here!

Hearts <3
Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Fri, 04-27-2012 - 8:33am

If you were driving a car down a one way street, the wrong way,at 90 mph and drunk as a skunk, you would be in a better place than you are now.

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2012
Fri, 04-27-2012 - 10:42am
Thankyou all for the welcOme
I am taking on bOard your advice

Its a hard day feeling very hurt and abandoned it is great to come here
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Fri, 04-27-2012 - 12:41pm
Welcome ResearchGirl. You're going to have a lot of tough days ahead of you...we've all been there. Come here for support. There are a lot of great people here who will help you through it. Block and walk....it really does work!!

((hugs))

~~Noway~~
The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
Fri, 04-27-2012 - 7:07pm
Hi ResearchGirl, welcome to EAS. We would love to support you. We all remember the pain.of ending.and it is brutal but it gets so much better.
Love
Rain