Newbie here needing some encouragement

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2010
Newbie here needing some encouragement
15
Wed, 01-26-2011 - 4:55pm

Hi all

was a poster on MAS but not posted on there for a while due to a lot going on with now exAP. After being together for almost a year we have now ended it and i'm struggling with the NC.

It has only been a week since it ended and I have only text him once in that time stupidly and I do regret it. Thankfully he never replied. I have been doing a lot of reading on the boards and this has helped me greatly. I know the feelings of anger and depression are a normal part of the grieving process so I am prepared for that.

I just feel so empty inside and I am missing him so much. We saw each other almost every day spent at least 1 night a week together and it is hard feeling so alone.

Ap had left his W on numerous occasions come to me for a couple of nights then go back to her. I know he has struggled being away from his children and have tried to be understanding about this. A few weeks ago he phoned me early hours of the morning told me had left her and turned up at mine. for the 1st 5 dyas he seemed fine, said this was what he wanted and he couldnt go back to her. He had to go pick some clothes and stuff up and see his children and that was when I sensed all was not well.

He eventually broke down told me he missed his children too much and 2 days later we ended it with him going back. I had always said that if he left again and went back that would be it as I couldnt keep going through this. We talked for hours before he left with him saying that he was so sorry, he never meant to hurt me and that he loved me but loved his children more. He was almost begging me to stay friends but I made it clear that wouldnt happen.

I know that we have done the right thing but it is still hard. Because of the history of our relationship I dont think I am really suprised. The thing that troubles me is that when this has happened before he usually ignores me for a few days or weeks then texts me and it ends up back on again. I usually bombard him with texts but this time I have not done that. I really want to stay strong and IF he does contact me I want to be strong enough to say no more.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010
Wed, 01-26-2011 - 5:25pm

Hi Ali,

Welcome to EAS.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Wed, 01-26-2011 - 5:35pm

(( Ali))

You've come to right place for comfort and support, so welcome to EAS. May I first say how sorry I am that you are in such pain. I don't think anyone ever forgets those first few months out of an A. Mine has been over for 6.5 years and I can

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2010
Wed, 01-26-2011 - 5:41pm

Hi MC

Thanks for the welcome and encouragement.Having a bad day today constantly thinking about him hence why I finally decided to post. I have not been eating properly or sleeping long before the A ended and I think its because of all the stress of the A. I have tried this week to look after myself better and although I have not got my appetite back I have been eating small amounts. I constantly feel sick to my stomach and its making it hard to eat.

I have got some good friends that I have talked to but sometimes I feel like i'm burdening them with all my woes. I have got 3 great children so I am not alone and I also have a good job so at least I have got other things in my life to keep me busy. Last weekend I found it really hard hence my slip up in texting him and I am dreading the weekend ahead.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2010
Wed, 01-26-2011 - 6:01pm

Hi iddy,

Thanks for the welcome and your words of wisdom. I can identify with all what you have said to me. I have lurked on the boards many times when I have thought it had ended but was never brave enough to post because I don't think I was ready for it to be over then. I think deep down I have always expected that one day it would end because I knew that if he never left it would be over between us as this was not the life I wanted for myself.

I have read lots and this has helped me see that how I am feeling is perfectly normal.I feel crushed inside and you are right I feel

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Wed, 01-26-2011 - 6:28pm
Ali, welcome to EAS. Only have a second but want to assure you that you have made a good and brave decision for yourself. I look forward to seeing you back here as a regular poster.

Hugs,
Alwayst
Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Wed, 01-26-2011 - 7:16pm
Hi Ali,

I am sorry you are having a rough day, I know it's tough breaking a habit especially a habit that hurts us and keeps us down. Keep reading and posting for as much support as you can in these early days. It will really help as there are very wise woman and men on this board who help us see new ways as long as we are open to making positive changes in our lives. Take each day as it comes but also have a plan in place on how you will prepare for unwanted contact. Check the tips on maintaing nc as they will give you further insight. I feel your determination and I am happy that you have made your way to EAS for support and encouragement. I can say in time it does get easier as you build up your days of nc, it's hard work and so worth it to finally see we can make new choices to live our lives without the drama. It's like learning to breathe again:) Big hugs Ali
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2010
Wed, 01-26-2011 - 7:23pm

Hi there all,

Just wanted to congratulate you for posting and say welcome!!

I am also newly ended [a little more than two months] and had contact last week.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Wed, 01-26-2011 - 8:29pm
Unbreak me....u are such an asset to this point and watching you grow and work hard is something I am sure the entire board is proud of. Good post...
Even tho that incident last week hurt you bad, it gave insight and strength to lend in this post to another. That's what makes this board so dog gone amazin, we heal as we help others heal. Blessing to you.
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 9:47am

Hi Ali, welcome to EAS.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2010
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 3:52pm

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