Newbie Here...In Desperate Need Of Help
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| Wed, 06-23-2004 - 7:41pm |
I've been lurking around this Board for 3 days now, reading all of these heart-breaking stories. Lots of good advice offered too. I guess my story is basically the same in some respects. I will make it brief:
I just broke off with XMM last week, after a 1-1/2 year on again-off again A. I am also M. I thought that I would be OK. Right now, I am in such a "down", I can't seem to think straight. I told XMM that I was involved with someone else, and chose this other DM over him. I'm not, but thought that this would be the only way to get rid of him. I've tried several times, but he kept wearing me down. I thought that this might work. He was hurt, but accepted it. Nothing else he can do.
OK..why then, do I keep waiting for the phone to ring and keep checking my e-mails...constantly. I am obsessed with this now. It's gotten so bad, that I am taking it out on my H. I've become nasty, basically intolerable. It's like I've flipped out or something. I don't feel like leaving the house. I can't think straight. I'm a mess. Oh God...why did I allow myself to get caught up in this A. I have low self-esteem, and XMM knew just the right buttons to push. I just feel like a total jerk believing him. I am so angry at myself, yet I want to hear from him, just to know that he is either still thinking of me and/or still hurting.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Katy

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I didn't repond to my xMM's email, he wrote a week ago, either. I think it'd be a mistake for me to do so at this point. I think he may preceive it as hope that somehow we can find a way for our relationship to continue.
Chin up a bit, ~ifm
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