Newbie...as of tonight.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Newbie...as of tonight.
3
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 8:01pm
I'm new...just had a long conversation tonight with my MM of 6 months. I've definitely come to the conclusion that it's just not going to work. He's having a hard time accepting what I just told him...even though he "knew" it was coming. I'm fighting that urge to "make it all better" for him. It feels like what I imagine being an alcoholic would feel like...fighting the urge to take a drink of something you know is killing you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 9:14pm
Know that you did the right thing. Half of us wish we had the foresight to end things that early in the A before things got ugly and trust me ..they can and do. You are responsible for taking care of yourself and your own heart and it sounds like you are. Unless this man is single he can not give you 100% of his heart and you deserve no less. Post here - there are many wonderful ladies here and know you are on the right path and we all know how painful it is to be away from someone you love. It is an addiction and we do not like to cause pain to the ones we love either. I felt the same way and just ended up getting my heart broken by trying to make it all better for him after his wife found out. It was worse saying goodbye the second time around. Spare your heart the pain and move forward with the good memories.

Take Care, Lyssa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 03-30-2003 - 12:41am
Welcome....and Good luck to you in this transition to following your instincts.

Your actions are what's best for you, not MM. MM entered into the relationship with you for his own reasons...reasons that are his to work through, including his marriage issues that you're not part of.

Ending your affair gives you another opportunity to establish a life of truths, not having to hide or lie or make excuses. You deserve a life of respect, truth and kindness.

I wish you well in the coming days, remaining steady and having the full undivided attention of a new partner who is completely available to you, not just snippets of stolen time......

You deserve nothing less than full attention-both given and received.

jmho,

cl-nre

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 03-30-2003 - 6:33am
Welcome from another sorta-newbie... I've been on this board for only a week, but I ended my A 3 1/2 months ago. Like you, it didn't die out... I ended it long before either of us WANTED it to end, but because I knew I couldn't survive it...

What you said about being an addiction is SO true. It can consume your life if you let it, and it is still a struggle for me to not let it, let him, take over my entire life. If you can have NC that is truly the best way to go... but even if you can't, you will get through it eventually... I don't have NC with my XMM, and some days it's all I can do to not "take a sip" and fall off the wagon.

I don't know if you are married or not, but I am, and I'm trying so hard to focus on being a better wife to my H, who didn't deserve my betrayal... If you are single, I truly believe that you deserve to be with a man who is yours and not shared with someone else... either way - welcome, please tell us more about yourself when you are ready... the advice on this board has helped me so much...

Glinda