You have so many things going on in your life that it may take a real professional to sort things out. It won't happen overnight.
It certainly isn't unusual to be involved with a second affair, but you may need to look at it as an addiction. Getting to the reasons that you need validation, and why you stay in a marriage that is not fulfilling these needs, are probably a wise goal to look at in therapy. You should be looking for one as soon as possible.
We are not equipped to provide such therapy, but we can help you making the break for the A, and ending the madness. You will have to extricate yourself from these relationships no matter how much it hurts, how it works for you professionally, and financially. You can't have it all. It just doesn't work that way.
Welcome to the group, read the healing library further down the main page and be patient. You have a lot to over come, years and years of wrong direction, and going down the wrong paths.
Come here often, posting is a plus and you will find real helping people who have done it all, seen it all and are working through recovery.
I'm pulling for you,
We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.
Morning and welcome to EAS
Yes, Daisy's sweater metaphor is perfectly...and it is one ugly sweater. Actually, it is probably one of those sweaters that's look better on the rack...I mean, I shouldn't knock a perfectly good sweater when it is the wears' fault.
We are all here because of lack of boundaries, inability to remain true to our vows, core issues which manifest in all kinds of dysfunctional behaviors...and this is were we all needed to turn our attention. Has nothing to do with anything or anybody else...it's all about us.
I think at this point, because he put the kibash on the affair, the plan would be to maintain your dignity and composure in his presence and learn to work in close proximity without drama. And, over time, as you conduct yourself with grace and dignity, his respect for you will return...not to start up the affair again...but it certainly will make your work environment more bearable...for you.
Keep reading as much as you can. I just know over time with the new perspectives you will gain, you will come to your own conclusion that you need to gain control of yourownself and life...which seems a bit chaotic and out of control at present...but not to worry, you are amongst friends who have been in your shoes and can walk with you.
Believe me, we've all been at the depressed-as-hell stage. It happens when we stop and take stalk of how we have been behaving. The good news to lift some of that depression hopefully is that you are here today...seeking answers and striving to do better. It's a start and a relief, no?
Is there a chance you can seek some counseling? I can't never suggest that enough...even though I sometimes forget to. It helped me tremendously, and I've seen it help others as well.
You're not a monster, TUIK...you just took some wrong turns. Stay close to the Board, reconnect with your good friends, focus on your marriage, keep trying to figure it all out...and you'll be back on track in no time.