Newjazz30, some additional thoughts

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Newjazz30, some additional thoughts
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 11:40am
for you. If you are in love with this MM, then you are going to have to look for another job. To continue ANY kind of friendship with him when you are in love with him is just going to be too hard and the sooner you admit that to yourself, the sooner you will truly be able to move forward. It's just like rubbing your face up against a brick wall over and over when you know it hurts. Eventually you get away from the brick wall. That analogy really helped me to see what I needed to do in order to really feel better. Time and distance - out of sight out of mind is true and it is really the only solution. As it stands and having to work with this man, you are constantly exposed to him and it will keep your heart right there even if you aren't actively participating in the A anymore. I hope this made some sense to you.

As for forgiving yourself, the way I see it is that you have to come to a place of forgiving yourself for the divorce, reach a point where you are willing to take a good look at YOUR part in your marriage ending (that was hard for me even though my marriage had ended before my A) and also forgiving yourself for the A too. I don't know where you stand from a religious standpoint, but the guilt won't go away until you do something to release it. For me, by putting it all at God's feet through prayer and asking Him for forgiveness helped me to forgive myself. It frees your conscience. It also allows you to stop trying to control the outcome of this A by putting it all in God's hands. When I did that, it was a tremendous weight lifted from me. Last but not least, you have to have the willingness to TRULY ACCEPT that this A is over and you will NOT have a real relationship with this man as long as he is married.

Give it time, keep posting when you need to in order to do the right thing and not continue in anyway with this MM and make up your mind that you are free now to see whomever you want and begin to allow yourself to start thinking of moving on with someone else to continue your romantic life. Now that's a thought! :) There are too many fish in the sea to sit and worry about a man who doesn't have the courage to move out of a bad marriage or fix it, one of the two.

Take care. Hugs to you.

GT