Nine Months, Two Days

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Nine Months, Two Days
10
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 12:32am
For those of you who are struggling in the beginning stages of NC or wondering whether or not to leave an affair that's causing you daily pain, I'm here to say it can be done. I've had NC for over 9 months now and I feel better every day. I loved my MM more than I've ever loved any man. I believed him when he said we would be together. He even left his wife and lived with me for a few months. But he never could actually go through with the divorce and as time went on I became increasingly bitter and resentful.

This time last year I was crying every day, and I thought about him constantly. Today I'm glad I'm not with him. You'll get here too if you just let go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 12:39am
"Just let go" that is my personal motto and now I am free. I very rarely think of him and so many of the memories have faded that sometimes I feel like it didn't even happen. Time is the key.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 6:53am
Woohoo! Thanks ladies, you bring me hope!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 1:25pm
(((HUGS))) IAD, I'm glad to hear you're doing so well! We made it through the fog, didn't we?! There is tremendous freedom in letting go, because then we are free to find what we were looking for in the first place! And yes, the pain does subside with time, you and I are living proof of that! ;-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 12:05pm
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! Do you remember me from last summer/fall? You have come a long way and i will too. Thank you for your post. It gave me encouragement.

All my love,

Clarice

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 6:02pm
Of course I remember you Clarice! I come back at least once a month to read a few posts here and there. Good luck to you. It sounds to me like you're still stuck on your other man ... I'd recommend a good strong healthy dose of total NC for at least three or four months ... try it as an experiment.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2003
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 12:39pm
Congrats!!! Glad to hear you are doing so well. Don't know if you remember me or not. I still pop over here from time-to-time. Unfortunately my XMM breaks contact frequesntly and since we work together and he is in a power position, I am polite. This May is coming up on a year since the affair ended and although I still struggle from time to time, I am stronger and healthier and my heart is healing.

Anyhow, NC is very very important and I'm glad you are doing well!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 9:13pm
NC is the best! I ended my affair just over a year ago & got involved with a great guy shortly after. We're still together (a few bumps in the road, but so far so good).

Even as much as I love my new guy, it took me about 6 mos. to stop missing the adoration my MM gave me. When my BF tells me he loves me, it's 100% sincere so I'd rather have that than the phony adoration.

Good luck -- NC is what saved me too. I ended the relationship and turned around & never looked back (but it took me about a year to finally do it, so I'm not magical). When he tried to make contact, I firmly rejected his overtures until he stopped. I am SO glad to be free from that prison. Freedom is sweet!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 12:26pm
I wish I could forget my man -best of luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 9:50pm
I want to let go but I have such a hard time doing it.I will be divorced in a few weeks,and I'm lonely
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 11:43pm
you are very vulnerable right now and really need support of as many troops as you can gather -- many friends, family, church, counselors. An affair will not help you through the tough times - it's really like doing drugs or drinking -- once you wake up, you've got a gosh-awful headache & still have to deal with your life.

So skip the damaging step of an affair and just plunge in and start making your life what you want it to be. You deserve a lot more than an affair with an MM. Start doing stuff that makes you feel good about yourself so you know that too.

You won't forget your affair or the man you shared it with, but you'll find something better MUCH better for your life and you'll see it for what it was -- a piece of the puzzle, a step along the way, just a step better behind you than anywhere near you now.

I promise this is true. I never believed it when I was in the middle of it either but every single step I took away from the affair brought me a better, happier & richer life.

Good luck to you. Believe in yourself.