Is no contact better than contact

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Is no contact better than contact
2
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 8:57pm
I was just wondering how many of you still have regular contact with other person and which do you think would be easier. I still have regular contact with my EX-MM at work.

I find it is very hard at times going back to as if nothing ever happened, but at the same time, I feel it would be harder if I never saw him again. We go on as if nothing ever happened and no one (except 1 other person) knows anything about it. What do any of ya'll think about no contact vs contact?

THANKS

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 12:09am
People are different and so are relationships. What may work well for one, will be a tragedy for another. In my situation, over a time span of 5 plus years, MM and I have tried total NC...we lasted anywhere from 1 month to 6 months. ALL of which have been 4 years since any physical contact.

What seems to work for us is a stay in touch, very periodic and totally platonic friendship. We value each other's opinions on any subject. We no longer discuss our past history, he never talks about his wife in a negative way and when I've gone off on a tangent about my H, he often defends him by giving me the male point of view.

Please don't misunderstand, it took us a LONG time to get back to this comfortable level of friendship. There were many harsh words, tears, hurt, guilt, accusations, anger, apologies and after 6 months of total NC ... acceptance of a mistake on both our parts. Which eventually, led to forgiveness.

IMO, friendship is not possible until we go through our own (TOTAL) letting go process, and until we're strong enough to not only face our mistakes but to learn from them while accepting the fact that some dreams just are NOT intended to come true....and that's OK.

Good Luck to you! I hope you find the inner strength and peace to do what is best for you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 3:16am
I also was involved with a guy from work, and know exactly what your talking about. While there are many times it is so very hard seeing him but not being able to be with him, but the alternative of never seeing him isn't an option that I want to even consider. And I can see it in his eyes that he is feeling the same way, but it was because we loved each other that we decided to stop seeing one another.

Everyone has to use their own judgement as whether or not to continue having contact or not. Some feel that it would be to hard, and it's easier to get on with their lives without looking back.

I found keeping it brief and always when someone else is around to serve as my preventative measures not to fall back into that situation.

Good Luck!

Debbie