No contact no Balls.....
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No contact no Balls.....
| Wed, 06-02-2004 - 3:00am |
I am so upset! MM has turned into a big liar ! He borrowed money from me almost a year ago . I loaned it to him because I trusted him with all my heart. He has always made promises to pay me back. Everything snowballed for him, loss of job and house pending forcloser,financial ruin for sure. Then 2 months ago he stopped calling or comming over without a warning. I called him! Asked him why he was doing this to us? He said W was leaving and he had to do it to get through this or he wouldn't make it! I called him three times for updates because of the money he promised to pay me back! And because I love him! The man I fell inlove with would never treat me like this. He has become a liar which he and I had always hated! How can he live with hisself knowing he did this to me! I was there for him when his W wanted nothing to do with him! Now she has taken over his cell phone and put her voice message on it and the same with the home phone ! He told me that three weeks ago he told her everything and now this ! He needs to take some control here! She has wrecked his life enough. I talked to him 11 days ago and he said his dad was giving him my money to pay me back. He said he would call me monday and let me know where to meet him to get it! He never called. He has changed personalities completely. Why do I feel sorry for him ? I know I should be completely done with him for his lies! Something tells me it is not his fault that he is acting like this. The pressure has taken over. I don't know if he is living with W still or not! My daughter left a message on his home phone saying for him to call her mom and let her know when he could pay back the money ? He did not call. That was last night! I have lost alot! Thousands! But my heart breaking from the lies is the worst thing. Should I just let him have his no contact thinking he will somehow remember me and pay me back out of the goodness of his heart? Trust is shattered! It is all craziness! Help!

If he has lied to his wife why are you so surprised?
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I am sure his wife said the same thing when your A was discovered by her.
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He is wrecking his own life...he is an individual person who does not have someone putting a gun to his head....he can make a decision to contact you or not...unless he is handcuffed to a cell he has the free will to call you. Just as the BS should not blame the OW the Ow should not blame the BS.....HE is wrecking HIS life.
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Whose fault is it? Put the blame where the blame belongs. No one human can control another. Wake up...it is his fault...he is a cake man and now he can no longer have his cake and eat it too...so he is being a coward and not facing you. He is in control of his own life....
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Stop making excuses for him. Now you see him who he really is ....a liar....he most probably lied about his horrible wife...and is probably telling his wife how horrible you are since she now is aware of your relationship. He is weak and is afraid to let him wife knows he owes you money. The trust is not shattered...it was never there...he was playing both sides....look his wife probably trusted him too...and he was able to lie to her etc...why do you think it would be different for you....
This man is toxic!!! Now you see him for who he really is...and he is not your problem let his wife deal with this broken man....he needs to figure out in counseling why he betrayed and lied to so many people and make changes in his life either if he goes back to you or stays in his M.
You sound a tad hung up on the money issue....!!! You keep saying money doesn't matter but yet you bring it up all the time. Sounds like it does matter. Sorry to be harsh but that's my observation. Did you loan it with him promising to return by certain time frame?? If not did you mention it *clearly* to him about returning it ASAP last time you guys met? If not, I would suggest you to do it.
Love and money don't mix. If you have money issues between you and him, love takes a back seat. If you love him and trust, wait a little longer. He might have all intentions of returning it back to you. If that does not happen, take it as a life lesson learnt. JMHO
Juliet
>>>He has become a liar which he and I had always hated!>>> People who choose to cheat on a spouse, begin lying to themselves from day one. You didn't fall in love with an honest man, even if you think you did. You fell in love with a liar and a coward, someone who can't leave one relationship before beginning a new one. That takes no courage.
>>>How can he live with hisself knowing he did this to me!>>> How could he live with himself cheating on his W? Sorry to say it, but that is where his committment was, not to you.
>>>I was there for him when his W wanted nothing to do with him! Now she has taken over his cell phone and put her voice message on it and the same with the home phone ! He told me that three weeks ago he told her everything and now this !>>> Sounds like he's made his choice even if you are having difficulty in accepting it.
>>>He needs to take some control here!>>> People who cheat have their lives out of control.
>>>>She has wrecked his life enough. I talked to him 11 days ago and he said his dad was giving him my money to pay me back. He said he would call me monday and let me know where to meet him to get it! He never called. He has changed personalities completely>>> Oh no. It sounds to me like you are seeing his REAL PERSONALITY for the first time.
>>>>Why do I feel sorry for him ?>>> Because of your own feelings for him.
>>>I know I should be completely done with him for his lies! Something tells me it is not his fault that he is acting like this. The pressure has taken over.>>> If someone lies, it is THEIR FAULT. Why give the man excuses to continue with such poor behavior?
>>>>My daughter left a message on his home phone saying for him to call her mom and let her know when he could pay back the money ?>>>> Why would you allow your daughter to get involved?
>>>>I have lost alot! Thousands! But my heart breaking from the lies is the worst thing. Should I just let him have his no contact thinking he will somehow remember me and pay me back out of the goodness of his heart? Trust is shattered! It is all craziness! Help!>>> I'd say if you've lost thousands, it might be time to sue him. As for his lies, perhaps it's time to face them rather than looking for ways to excuse them? Since when is a cheating husband trustworthy? Could it be that you made the mistake of choosing to take up with a man who is married to someone else? Do you honestly think it is okay to do? If you really want help, then stick to no contact and take other measure to be reimbursed for the money he owes you if it that much money. I don't think you're going to have a choice in no contact and if that is how he is treating this situation, I would be willing to bet his wife has told him he had better make a choice. Looks to me like he has.
I feel for you, I really do. As a former OW myself, I know your pain and frustration. You have to decide to help you and forget about all he's done and lied about. Take whatever measures you must to be repaid and let this man go! You will survive!
I agree with Flash - this man appears to have made his choice, if you have no proof that the money was a loan, let it go..... Keep your daughter out of this, she should have never been involved. Get some therapy. Look for a new job and take time to heal. The people on the Affair board are enabling you, you will likely not hear from this man again willingly, listen to the people on this board.
Good luck to you.
What would he treat you any differently than he treats his wife? After all, he even married her!