No escaping

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
No escaping
10
Mon, 11-22-2010 - 9:57am
Good morning everyone,

I'm starting to get just how hard becoming healthier is. On Saturday night I started to feel off so I went to a friends for a chat and some tea. I felt better but Sunday was a very emotional day, tears would come at any given moment. I was at the laundrey mat and just starting crying, on the way home I was crying at the gym I was crying and at the dinner table. It hurt so much, I think because I'm really trying hard to not escape into fantasy that I'm really faced with my true emotions and I'm not using any crutches to falsly see me through. It's not a bad these emotions it's just tough to push through, I did eventually and I was so tired that I went to bed. I feel better this morning but I know it will come again and I will keep working at it so each time gets a little easier and with each time I will learn from it:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
In reply to: jen36jen
Mon, 11-22-2010 - 10:03am

Jen,

Yes, it IS hard. But I want you to see what I see.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
In reply to: jen36jen
Mon, 11-22-2010 - 10:08am
Dear Jen,

I echo Dee ... your post is full of strength and signs that indeed you are getting healthier!

Look here:

... Sunday was a very emotional day, tears would come at any given moment.
... It hurt so much,

"I think because I'm really trying hard to not escape into fantasy that I'm really faced with my true emotions and I'm not using any crutches to falsly see me through."

(YES!)

It's not a bad these emotions it's just tough to push through,

- I did eventually ... I feel better this morning but I know it will come again and I will keep working at it so each time gets a little easier and with each time I will learn from it

So so so great.

Much care,

TU.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
In reply to: jen36jen
Mon, 11-22-2010 - 10:16am
Thank you Dee:) I'm starting to not be so afraid of my emotions and what they really mean. I realize more clearly that I won't be rushing through to thinking I'm healthier, I want to really be healthy with the hard work on my part and really learn my lessons. Thank you for your support and being proud of me, it helps so much to have encouragement:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
In reply to: jen36jen
Mon, 11-22-2010 - 10:27am
Thank you TU, your support and encouragement has helped me so much:) There is a feeling inside of me that I'm finally listening too, to keep pushing and not accept less from myself. It really is hard work but it's the best hard work I have ever done:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
In reply to: jen36jen
Mon, 11-22-2010 - 10:37am

Oh, Jen. ((((jen)))

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
In reply to: jen36jen
Mon, 11-22-2010 - 3:48pm

((((Jen))))

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
In reply to: jen36jen
Mon, 11-22-2010 - 7:56pm
Thank you alwayst2:) it's such a good feeling to have such an awsome showing of support here! Thank you for being proud of me too, it means alot to me:) I'm proud of you too, you have come so far and you have helped me so much with your reflections. I was looking at the support group for quitting smoking and one of the posts with a link to an article on quitting really stood out for me. I don't have the exact quote I left it on my desk, I will share what I remember, there is only two reasons to take another puff, if you like the feeling of going through withdrawel for the rest of your life then take another puff. It had me thinking, do the hard work for all you have to do now because while the withdrawel is necessary I don't want to keep repeating it:) hope your having a nice evening!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
In reply to: jen36jen
Mon, 11-22-2010 - 8:36pm

Hey Jen,

I dont cry because I have been hardened over the years with all ive been through but I can tell you, it isnt an easy thing for me either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
In reply to: jen36jen
Mon, 11-22-2010 - 11:37pm

Michelle thank you for saying you would have been there for me and cried with me at the laundry mat, I would do the same for you as well:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
In reply to: jen36jen
Mon, 11-22-2010 - 11:56pm

Hi Renewal,

Hugs to you as well :)