No excuses....

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2009
No excuses....
25
Mon, 11-09-2009 - 2:07pm

With deep regrets; I am back head hanging low and starting over AGAIN. I think I need to find

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Mon, 11-09-2009 - 2:30pm

Not sure if your question is rhetorical or not, but perhaps the question should be 'what am I NOT doing?' ;)


What types of changes are you making within yourself to garner strength to put an end to this once and for all?


Clarity


"Once you say you're going to settle for second, that's what happens to you in life."


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2006
Mon, 11-09-2009 - 2:37pm

<>


It's what you're not doing; loving and respecting yourself.


Iddy



~We cannot change anything unless we accept it.- Carl Jung~

Iddy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2009
Mon, 11-09-2009 - 5:54pm

well truthfully; i have been mainting nc; he has been texting; and a week ago; i asked him to please stop; i couldn't take it anymore; obviously my silence wasn't being heard; and i told him he needed to STOP....i was headed to my month of NC..


fast forward to Friday; another text; this time lets just talk; so guess what ? to leave the last the last; and to bring an end to this all; i went with all determination to just talk; and we talked alright; and then right back into the mess I have tried so hard to stop....maybe I really am not ready to end it ?


i need to think; tonight i am going for a long methodical run; i need to seek answers to who i am and what i am doing; right now i don't even know me; and that is very very sad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2009
Mon, 11-09-2009 - 5:55pm
Where do you find that ? When do you realize all this is is self-destruction ??
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2009
Mon, 11-09-2009 - 10:49pm

HP -


As someone who cycled over and over again in and out of my A for 8+ years, I can truly empathize with your feelings and wanting things to be over, but not being sure where to start or even if you're "ready".

NC since October 2, 2009.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Tue, 11-10-2009 - 9:07am

HP,


Good Morning... im sorry to hear of your struggles of late.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2009
Tue, 11-10-2009 - 12:35pm
Thanks I have just been blank; I know the first couple days are the worst. I however; don't feel
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2009
Tue, 11-10-2009 - 1:37pm

Thanks Gal:


When I continue and continue to fall off of NC; I just get so steadfast in righting the wrong that I just committed; usually regain focus; and have an energy to move on to NC again; this time around I just feel humility; a blank sense of loss. I could carelss about AP; I don't feel loss for him; I don't have feelings for him; I can't describe this any other way then a mere addiction to a good time in his bed. Its sick, its wrong, I know. I can't curb that appetite. I deleted all the emails, texts, etc. months ago; the only thing I haven't done is block his number from my phone and that evidentally needs to be done; or this isn't going to be over; because I don't know how to deal with the temptations of him.


My A is going on 3 years and no I don't want to be where you are 8 years later. I wanted to be done 3 years ago.


I am ready to start down the new path; I just have to figure out what I can do to keep me down that same path.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Tue, 11-10-2009 - 2:55pm

I haven't done is block his number from my phone and that evidentally needs to be done; or this isn't going to be over; because I don't know how to deal with the temptations of him.


You hold the key to your future...


You know what to do....


L

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2009
Tue, 11-10-2009 - 3:13pm

Hotpants...


maybe your not really ready to end it yet. Because your phone is still open for him to bug you. I did that with instant messager for a long time. Then I got tough with myself and

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