No excuses....
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No excuses....
| Mon, 11-09-2009 - 2:07pm |
With deep regrets; I am back head hanging low and starting over AGAIN. I think I need to find
| Mon, 11-09-2009 - 2:07pm |
With deep regrets; I am back head hanging low and starting over AGAIN. I think I need to find
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Step 1. Block Cell Phone. DONE.
Step 2. Now begin to find peace with NC.
Way to go...
Lynn:
I need some real help; thats more than apparent. I thought I was a smart intelligent human being; I am a professional; college educated wife, mother, sister, daughter; I am the matriarch of the family; helping sisters, friends, brothers, parents; with all kinds of issues and dilemmas, yet I can't solve my own battle.
The thing of it is, hotpants, when we relinquish our power to another and they take control by making decisions we don't want or like, of course we get mad,
Good Morning...
First I want to say that what you have been involved with does not define you as a person... you still are a wonderful, smart, educated beautiful person.
This is an addiction plan and simple.
We admitted we were powerless over our addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable.
I admitted all of this months ago; and still fall to his power; eliminating communication from him will help relinquish his power; because it is the only form of communication we ever shared phone/text.
HOWEVER; I am not finding the comfort I thought I once would have when I said many times; I AM DONE and THIS IS OVER. I almost feel numb to all of it; I use to feel almost as if an elephant was finally off my chest; I feel nothing.
I don't care for this man; I don't love this man; I have no ill will towards him either; he was simply an addiction that fed a terrible part of me; so in letting go of all of this I feel nothing; and that is what is equalling troubling Lynn; why can't I cry; or feel bad for my guilty pleasure; have I de-sensitized myself from sharing with my husband all these years and encounters that have now led me to where I am today ?? I almost wish I could share this all with him; to at least cleanse my soul. I know I never would but I am just lost right now. I took some time away from this board the past few weeks; maybe by doing so steered me the wrong way ??
I have mixed emotions today of what I feel; maybe its the post traumatic start of NC that is affecting me right now; usually I feel great by Day 3/4.....
Peace to you all.
"HOWEVER; I am not finding the comfort I thought I once would have when I said many times; I AM DONE and THIS IS OVER. I almost feel numb to all of it; I use to feel almost as if an elephant was finally off my chest; I feel nothing."
Maybe
HP~
So much of what we feel in an A is the "highs & lows" and that roller coaster feeling of going up the hill and crashing down on the other side...
Maybe now that you finally blocked him you know deep down in your gut its done and over and your not sure how you really feel...
Take some time now for YOU... time to figure out what kept you in that A for 3 years...
HP~
Good morning...
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