no life after affair
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| Sun, 05-22-2005 - 1:24am |
It's been 6 months now since we broke up. The relationship has left me drained for far longer than it should. I knew when it happened though that I wouldn't be over this one for a long time. Unfortunately...he's still married. He lets me know every couple of months that he misses me...but it doesn't help. Not that it's holding me back from meeting new guys...I do that myself. I have rediculous standards now...and I don't think I'll be giving anyone a chance. I still cry when I think about him...which is every day. My brain knows that I'm better off now. My heart is run over. I don't trust people anymore. I don't want to meet anyone...for fear that they want something from me. I don't want to give anything to anyone. I tell myself that it's fine to focus on work...but at the end of the day...I know that this relationship has ruined me forever. I don't contact him...but I can't bring myself to tell him to never contact me again. We don't meet or anything...there's been no IC since we broke up. I guess I don't understand why I can't move on. I know that I have to make that choice...but I tell myself that....and in my head- all I hear is "blah, blah, blah." I've tried therapy, and anti-depressants, volunteering, etc.....nothing takes him out of my head.
I don't know why I picked today to post again...but here I am.
Lost and scared....C

Crissy
I understand how your feeling right now, but please believe me when I tell you this has not ruined your life these feelings will pass in time, 6 months really is not that long.
If you allow him to continue contacting you and feeding you his line your recovery time will get drawen out far longer then it has to NO CONTACT of any sort will aid your emotional disconnect and that is a must to really getting over this.
The image you have of this man is a LIE regardless of how he appeared he is less of a man then any honest single guy....if you measure him by his actions rather then by the feelings you had you for him you may find that other men compare much more favorbly.
You need to enforce NO CONTACT if you want to get over this, by contacting you he continues to demonstrate his selfishness, he is not contacting you for your good but his own.
JMHO
Free
Crissy
No one is punishing you, the sad truth is actions have consquences and your experiencing the standard consquences of being involved with a MARRIED MAN THAT CHEATS.
If he knows that he is hurting you and continues that action then is is deliberate he is doing it with full knowledge of the price your paying....you don't do that if you care more about the other person then you do about what your getting from the contact.
>>" I just can't stop thinking about the way that I felt. And it's all about me...right?"<<
YES that is right affairs really arer all about "ME" and that is true for you and "HIM"...what we really LOVE is how we felt\feel it is not so much about the other person.
THE "FRIENDSHIP" thing does not work, YOUR going to have to be the one to ENFORCE NO CONTACT because he is still getting his thing from you and has no reason to stop ever.
Do what you have to Crissy andd things will get better in time.
Free
Dear Chrissy,
It takes alot longer than 6 months to recover. I have now been out of my A for 1 year and 7 months, but NC for only 4 months. I am madly in love with someone else now and engaged to me married to him. My xMM did the same thing as yours, contact me every few months or so and I couldn't resist him but over time I started to heal. The last time I told him about my NG although I wasn't in love yet, I was starting to fall for the NG. I think that allowed XMM to leave me alone now. In a way, me holding on made him hold on (even though I didn't contact him, I held on in my head and I got a D), even though he chose to stay in his M. But now that I let go and found someone else, it allowed him to let go too.
I am so proud of you for not contacting him. Someday when you are this far out from it, those things that you did for your own self respect and pride will be the things you are most happy about.
I promise you that your life will one day be more wonderful than you could have ever believed. and believe me I almost died from my grief over xMM. But all that pain you are suffering will make you really APPRECIATE the gifts you will recieve in the future. Hold on and fight for yourself.
Survive
crissy,
it will take time, pls dont lose hope, there is always hope as long as we are still alive, someone is out there that is honest and single
no one is punishing u, try to do it one day at a time, in time it will get better, time will heal
pls take care of yourself, dont let this man take away your life, take back your life and live it with gusto
max