Is this a no-no?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
Is this a no-no?
11
Sat, 06-12-2010 - 9:28am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Sat, 06-12-2010 - 9:52am

Hey Alice,
There is something about this that just doesn't feel right. Would you and XAP's friend be alone at this event, or will your spouses be accompanying you? My gut is telling me he has invited you and that the two of you will be attending the event sans spouses. If this is the case, and given your situation, if it were me, I'd run like the wind in the opposite direction. I wouldn't touch this with a 10-foot pole. I would be concerned about my vulnerability to the flirtation of another MM.

I understand this will be a difficult decision for you to make, but you're doing so well, Alice, and I hate to see your situation complicated by something like this. Just my two cents.

((hugs))
CSN

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Sat, 06-12-2010 - 11:11am

Alice,


Did you read flirtation into your correspondence with xAP's friend or was he being overtly flirty?. Are you thinking you can somehow--through the grapevine--make xAP jealous in some way so you can exact a little revenge? Be honest with yourself. That's what I think I'm hearing....just saying....


If this is a work related activity, what is wrong with being completely professional about everything? Why would you avoid xAP's friend if you need to associate with him in a working environment? If this event is not directly work related, don't go. It's that simple. And who cares what anyone thinks. Quite honestly, I think we tend to

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Sat, 06-12-2010 - 11:25am

Dear Alice,

My advice would be to not go. I have been pushed hard lately by my therapist and friends when i say, "but i have to go/see him/show up for .... or else ...." And when it really comes down to it, I really don't need to go. Sure, I may have to answer for my absence, and people may even talk. But, I recognize that I am not truly differentiating between really HAVING to go, and events that are actually quite optional (even if there might be some fallout).

And I believe you have already taken so many steps to move beyond this A and to protect yourself, that you feel angry at having to do anything more to keep that door shut. But guess what Alice? For a very long while, if not forever, it's our reality. We gotta look out for ourselves, even if it means missing out in the short term.

((hugs))

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Sat, 06-12-2010 - 11:47am

You said you have to briefly work together, so

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Sat, 06-12-2010 - 9:32pm

Yes-yes.

Why would you even consider going to an event with him, friend of xAP or not? Especially if he is being flirty with you? Does he know about your affair with xAP? If so, don't be so sure he doesn't want a chance at having a little somethin' somethin'. Stay away from this situation. Keep it real. Keep it professional. Keep it far away from your personal life. Nuff said.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
Sun, 06-13-2010 - 8:33am
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Sun, 06-13-2010 - 8:47am

Well, okay, you gave us more info to go on. ;-) If the event isn't until August, then I suppose it's all up to you as to how far you've progressed by then. If there has been NO MORE DRAMA with XAP

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2009
Sun, 06-13-2010 - 9:03am

Alice,


Live your life my dear. Live it for you and your family. If XAP has some comments about it then so be it. We all know that he has quite the large ego with contrastingly small balls so he will think your contact with this new guy will lead to an A, was done to make

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Sun, 06-13-2010 - 11:12am
Disengage Maverick, diesengage.

Just some wise words from your co pilot Goose.


Love me some Top Gun, glmb!!!


Alice, I told you a long, long time ago, when you first came to this board, that you needed to live your life and screw paranoid freak xap. I even told you I'd move to your town and vote for you if you ran for mayor!! Remember?


Point is, you need to live your life for you. If being social and networking is what is required to be successful in your field, by all means DO IT and do not let anyone be a road block to your success!


Watch yourself around flirty men, however, no matter how unattractive they are!! You are still vulnerable. And I think there is a little part inside you that wants xap to know that he can no longer control you and you ARE going to interact with mutual friends/acquaintances/business people in your town. He needs to learn how to deal with it. You already know how.


Best of luck. Keep us posted. ((hugs))


~alwayst2

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
Sun, 06-13-2010 - 12:00pm

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