Is this normal??
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| Mon, 11-29-2004 - 10:21am |
Well, it's now Monday. Today is day 10 of NC and the longest we have ever gone without communication. I'm confident he won't try to contact me (not for awhile anyway) and I won't contact him.
But the holiday and the weekend were tough. Not that xOM and I ever spent a holiday together (we were only together for 4 months) but just the thought of it mad me sad.
As for the weekend...I felt awful. H was really trying. We went to a movie Friday night and then he asked if I wanted to go to a bar. I didn't really want to (stoping drinking) because I knew it would make me think about xOM but I said yes b/c I didn't want H to feel bad. We ended up at this bar that I really like. xOM has been there too, so the whole time I felt like I was looking around the room and checking the front door. I was there w/ my H and I wanted to call xOM - how f*%cked up is that??? Anyway, we left after about an hour or so. I just felt so uncomfortable there. That sucked. I want to be able to share that part of myself w/ H and I feel like I can't.
Then Saturday, we spent the day shopping and then had dinner with H's brother & sister-in-law. We were having such a good time, but xOM kept popping into my thoughts. I kept wondering if he was with someone, or if he was laughing, or if he was kissing someone, etc. It's killing me. I hate thinking about him all the time. I know EVENTUALLY it will stop, but in the mean time, what do I do? Keeping busy doesn't help - focusing on work, friends, H and family doesn't work.
Is this normal??
Diva

Diva,
If it isn't normal, then I am screwed up myself!
hugs..
looking
Diva,
I still have this same problem. It’s been about two months since I spoke to xMM, but he’s still on my mind. It much less frequent, so I must deduce that it will eventually go away with time. I dream about him constantly at night too.
The hardest part for me is that the aggravation I feel with myself is now displaced onto my H. Like yours, mine is very dedicated and tries to make me smile and keep me happy. Instead of being my old fun self, I snap and bitch and complain about stupid, insignificant things. I’m mad at H. for not being xMM, and I’m mad at xMM for making me feel bad about my H. It’s in ignorant, ridiculous round-about, but I can’t seem to pull myself out of it.
I try to rationalize my feelings, “Eventually I’ll be back to normal, right?” I try shame myself out of them, “Why are you so stupid to let some man make you feel like this? You were the idiot who started this mess!”
Some days I worry that the only way to make amends with my H. is to let him go so he can marry someone who deserves such a fine man for a husband. Then I will be a lonely, crabby old woman (at 31!) with 50 cats.
I’m still waiting on the magic mind-erasing cure. I’ll let you know when I find it!
Shel,
If I haven't said this to you before, I'll say it now..."We could be living the same life"!
Everything you wrote is EXACTLY how I am feeling (except I'm 28 ;-)) - including the cat thing!!
UGH - I just don't want to feel like this anymore! I am so TIRED! I keep telling myself that if I can just get through 30 days with NC...then 2 months...then 3, eventually I will be ok...but then there are days when I think it will never go away! I guess this is part of the price we pay.
Keep me posted on that mind erasing-cure! (and thanks!)
Diva
Sometimes the commonalities in our stories are amazing! That's one thing I really, really appreciate about this board. I can't talk to my H., or my friends and family. Sometimes I feel so utterly, hopelessly alone. And then I come here, and you guys know exactly what I'm going through!
I must also admit, upon rereading, that I think my last post was very negative. I apologize for that. I'm really trying to be a positive person. I know that everything has a ying and a yang, so I am working toward regaining my balance in emotions. I need to stop being such a negative force in my own life as well as my husband's. I'm so lucky to still have him! I just have to read Daf's posts to get a taste of what could have happened.
I used to be such a positive, fun person. Now I have to force it to be the jokester, the always-happy Michele.
So, on a positive note--I must be thankful that I didn't get caught. All the pain I feel is mine alone, not my husband and family. This is my punishment and it could have been much worse. I still have a life to fall back into.
And, while it seems hard to believe now, I had the joy of knowing someone very special. Despite how I feel today, my xMM will always be important to me. I love him very much (despite what the naysayers feel about "love" and an affair). I will always love him and I have the good memories.
There! Positive energy to get me through the next hour, day, week, month. Soon it will only be the good things that I remember.
Until that day, the mind-erasing search continues! :)
Ladies you will all be happy to know your normal, pretty standard stuff.
The only magic pill is no contact mixed in a glass of TIME, drank daily.
Let one of the nay sayers tell you something you may want to believe BUT time will change your prepective on your AP and that relationship, what you see as love today in a year or two you will see diffently, you will view those good memories from a different prespective as well, they will not be so fond as you move away from the affair and your thinking referts to that which is more the norm your going to start to see them from the prespective of the batrayal that they of your spouse and you will view them with a good deal less pleasure then you do today.
I know that is not what anyone wants to read but over and over this is what the women of this board have come back and reported usualy 10 to 24 months after the affair is over.
Free