Not angry today..confused and hurt
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| Mon, 05-02-2005 - 11:08pm |
Hello all. Thank you for your comforting words. Unfortunatley I still feel very bad. I also feel really confused. So the last I heard from him last evening when he said for me to please take the time apart that he was flying for work. I sent him an "ok" text message back. I wish I hadn't because I noticed this morning that it hadn't been read. Its been 24 hours now + and his phone has been off this whole time. Thsi is extremely unusual since he needs it for work and he has kids. I don't know if somethng happened to him. As my friend pointed out, this is why you need to get out of this, you are still the other woman and wouldn't even know if he died. Then she said its doubtful he died and I shoudln't be calling him anyway. My other friend called me tonight to tell me she did some research on DE divorces and that she believes he has been lying because you don't need a court date in DE if both parties agree. My friends practice tough love. I decided that rather than hiring a PI to find out the truth, I would instead hire a therapist. I am in too deep in this relationship. He is gone now but most likely he will be back (unless he is of course, dead). I guess I just don't understand this at all. If he was a jerk or mean, it'd make sense but he is this really nice guy. My friend said some people can be very nice but they are still pathelogical liars. I don't know if he is that but I am so confused. He has been saying one reason or another why they haven't gottne divorced. Why string me along if he didnt plan to get divorced? I believe he is separated since he spent so much time with me but what does this mean - do people just stay separated indefinitely? I got my divorce quickly. I wish I could jsut find out the truth! I just want to know and be set free! I don't understand. And shutting the phone off...I don't understand that either. I keep thinking sometihng happened to him. Its very unusual except that he said he was flying for work. I have this odd feeling that he left the country and thats why his phone doesn't work. Why would someone do this to me?
Ivy

IVY
He does this to you because you let him do it, his actions are telling you who he is and it is not a NICE GUY...he is a liar and a sneak, he is a manipulator but he is not a nice guy.
He may be a Narrcissit that would explain a lot of his actions, regardless of his reasons your getting screwed over by him and it is time to say NO MORE.
i just wanted to offer my support again. We aer here for you. Remember, if a man wants to be with you he will move heaven and earth to be with you. He's had time, he just can't do it. And that's okay...but you sure as hell don't have to sit and wait.
He's not injured. He's fine.
jen
Thanks,
When I got to work today, there was an email from him written in the middle of the night. It said that he was okay, his phone was dead and he forgot his charger. He said that he didn't understand my confusion since we "agreed" to take time apart.
Anyway, this may sound odd but I just needed to know he was alive - maybe its my control freak thing or something but when I can't reach someone I go nuts worrying. I feel alot calmer now. Not better necessarily but not freaked out. Who knows what the truth is with this guy anyway. I am confused how I let myself get in so deep with all this. I'm not the kind of person to be hidden. I'm not sure what kind of power he had over me. I would like to start to get over him. Any ideas? I feel like I can now not contact him easier since I know he is ok. I don't really understand him at all but maybe I never will.
Ivy
Ivy,
There will come a time...when you will not know if he is alive or dead. It can be too shocking of a revelation if it comes too soon in the grieving process. But you have to come to terms that at some point...you won't know the ins and outs of his life. Just like a friend you might have had 10 yrs ago...you won't. It hurts to think someone you loved so deeply will not be a part of your life. We grieve that as well as all the other losses or painful things associated with an emotional connection to someone like in an emotional affair.
Its the hardest part (in my opinion) , coming to grips with not being close them, or thought of as not special enough to them, or not thinking of them (depends on if you are the windshield or the bug in the given relationship). Its a grief, a loss, a change of habit, routine etc that is without a concrete death. Mourning can be the same however.
So the stages of grief apply
Always (more than not) seeming to be the bug and I am envying the windshields today,
Lizzie
ivy,
u said u want to be free, only u can set yourself free, MM can tell u what he wants u to here, does it matter whathe tells u, he could be lying then
no need for u to find out, just do what u want in your life, make that choice, dont make him make that choice for u
max
Thanks everyone.
Its very tough to let go. It would be easier in a way (others may contradict me) if I didn't have that proverbial door open that he could slip back in thru. Right now, he's being very distant and have cut off communication so he is basically cut off from me. Its not a good feeling and I wonder about him but its better than him sending me dozens of pleading emails and making me feel guilty. I am afraid that part of him will return. Thsi is the first time he has done this noncommunication thing. Maybe it means he won't be back? Its all so weird to me. Maybe he is just a pathalogical liar. I've heard that they can actually be the nicest people. Thats what makes it so confusing to understand.
Day 2 of no contact.
I have a date Thursday night off of Match.com. Picks my spirits up a bit.
Ivy
Be patient with yourself. It seemed like an intense roller coaster ride for me at the beginning. I hated him, I loved him, I was raging at everything that happened or I wanted to burst into tears. My life seemed so unfair and I just knew that he was my souldmate and we were meant to be. On Feb 17 he said we can't talk anymore.
I was not strong enough to do it but I would set myself goals like a month, two weeks or whatever. I talked to him yesterday and I really don't want to talk to him again. Not in a hateful way but what a relief it is to see things clearly. If I want to be used by him he is more then happy to use me. I need more then that from the people in my life. I thought I could never be happy with my h but my whole perspective has changed! The importance of NC is giving you time to get your perspective back. Love yourself like you would your best friend. You need to be the someone on your side. All of the emotions are part of growing and healing. You can be so much stronger then you were before. Pamper yourself, feel your emotions and you will get through them......