not even a affair yet
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not even a affair yet
| Mon, 09-20-2004 - 4:06pm |
I've been here looking at all the post, I'm not in a full blown affair yet. Mainly because he won't see me again because he know i'm married. He did see me twice and he stopped it because he felt he liked it too much. He is also 20 yrs younger than me. I have to work with him and its hard for me to go to work and say I'm not going to talk to him, because when I see him it all changes. I'm crazy about him I know Its silly, I've liked him for about a year now. But we didn't make our feelings known to each other till about March or may. He said he was attrated to me and if I wasn't married we could go out and have a good time. We did meet at a bar,me with a girl friend and him with a friend. we very much enjoyed each others company.. than we also went and played pool one night. thats when he stopped it cause he know it wasn't right. I've tried to see him but he won't. Hes a very sweet guy and I think about him all the time. I just dont know how I'm supposed to let this go working with him. He will be leaving eventually, he's in his last year of college. And the thought of him leaving work will crush me. I'm going to try not to email him for as long as I can. That is how I communicate with him other than at work. I'm going to need some support here. I try to think of my husband but it doesn't help. I just don't think I love him any more. How many of you work with OM???

Just wanted to jump in here quickly. I never worked with my OM, he actually lives an hour away from me, but that didn't change things. I have to say think long and hard before you make this decision because it will affect every aspect of your life. I won't give you any advice about if you should or shouldn't move forward into this A because I know I never listened to anything anyone told me. I would however recommend that you read over on the A support board and read here to see that having an A is no fun and ultimately will cause you more heartache then happiness. Instead maybe you could try and figure out what attracts you to this OM, why you want to get involved with him, and more importantly is it all worth it to you? What would this OM offer you that you crave?
You said, " I try to think of my husband but it doesn't help. I just don't think I love him any more." Please from experience try and figure out exactly what you feel for H and your M before you move forward. This A you are contemplating could destroy it all. I will tell you from experience that I had a hard time thinking about H with OM around or in my thoughts (and still have those moments). I am 1 wk and 4 days from the day that H confronted me about my A and it hasn't been fun. Luckily for me H is willing to work on our M, because when it all came down to it that is what scared me the most, losing H and our family.
It sounds like your OM has the right idea, you are M and he won't get involved, I do believe however that if you pursue it hard enough that too will change. Also remember that he is young and as much as it is an ego boost for you, I think that there would be many differences also (if you have a chance there are some on the A board that have much younger OM's).
SO please come here often and read in the archives on both boards. All of us have been or are going thru some stage in ending our A's and will be here to help you anyway we can. I have found so much support and comfort from this board in such a short time, I know I wouldn't have been able to make it without everyone.
Sending you hugs,
DAF
I also work with my XOM, and let me tell you this...the flirting and mutual attraction is one thing. I enjoyed that immensely when it was "innocent." BUT once you cross that line into something physical, you can't go back. XOM and I were just going to share one kiss to see what it was like and quench our curiousity. LET ME TELL YOU, DEB- THAT WAS THE WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE! Like someone else on this board says, you can't just TRY crack once and not get addicted. Same thing! That one kiss led to more kisses, and before I knew it I was on my knees in his office after work and sneaking around during work. Sorry, but I want to de-romanticize it for you! It was even fun for a while, but I got attached and addicted to the attention, and he said what he needed to to keep me giving him what he wanted. It is awkward now, I get panic attacks when I have to go past his office. I still expect to see emails from him and they only arrive once in a blue moon and always lead up to him wanting to hook up. We used to be friends. We used to email constantly. Things changed and there's no going back.
Do yourself a favor- figure out what's missing in your marriage and your life. The answers are in YOU, not some other man. You need to address these issues first and foremost. Whether you choose to stay married after you figure yourself out is a separate issue. You may or may not- but whatever you do, DO NOT take that plunge because it will mess with your heart and your mind more than you can imagine. I am also married, and it's not perfect. My H never found out, but the A hurt us both anyway. Figure out your life first, maybe try counseling. THEN decide if you are going to move on alone or with your husband. If your OM is a person you could have a real relationship with, you can have it down the road if you and H split up. Starting an affair will be the kiss of death for OM, and H. And OM deserves a partner who is free, as well.
Trust me, we've all been through so much pain. I WISH I had discovered this board before I crossed the line. Take care, and know that we understand. We're here for you!
Lily
Ditto to all lily said.
Is it possible that your going through a mid life crissis.
The truth is your not going to real be able to identify your real feelings about your husband as long as your obsessing on on another man, you going to view your husband through this strong young man and that is not fair to him.
Bare in mind that you are twenty years older then OM, that does not help any relationship.
He is young and is going to want to sew his wild oats and he is unlikly to stop with a woman 20 years older.
Free