Not feeling very well today.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2009
Not feeling very well today.
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 4:56am

Hey :-(

After a good week, without focus on the Anniversary day, which I managed to get through with shining colors loads of real genuine smiles, and happiness - and a weekend filled with fun activities and nearly not a single thoughts of xAP, here I am with tears in my eyes, once again, wishing, longing, and hoping for a sign that he is someway is feeling the same ways as me right now.

Every recovery is a kind of rebirth


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2011
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 6:07am
You certainly are not the loser here, please don't even think of yourself like that, don't look down at yourself! We are all here with you, we have all walked that same path next to you. We needed something at the time, and our xaps fit the bill...we ended up caring maybe a little too much and feeling a little too much, but you know what? I think we all knew walking in that it wasn't going to be good, that it wasn't right, but we did it anyway, and that's what we need to be thinking and focusing on, US, fixing that broken part of ourselves, the persons we were then...
Don't dwell on HIS feelings...who cares? We used them just as much for our own needs. Focus on YOU and fixing the broken pieces, you are so worth it, you are a beautiful person who needs to take care of YOU right now, and we are all here for you when you need us.
Forget what he thinks...he's nothing but a broken sorry example of what a man should be, and you my dear deserve much better than that!

Sometimes love just isn't enough.... NC since 7-30-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2011
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 6:59am
Oh (((sweetie))). I've felt all those feelings about myself. It's horrible. My xAP continued to search for another OW while we were together. That made me feel really special. I guess I wasn't even good enough to be a dirty OW!

You need to do what I've tried to do. When those thoughts - negative unproductive thoughts - come into your head you have to say STOP. You made a mistake, You allowed someone to treat you poorly. You allowed yourself to be in that relationship. But now? You're not. You've reclaimed your life and it will get better & better. I promise you.

I don't know if you read my post yesterday. I got the fishing attempt I never, ever expected. It threw me for a loop for 2 days but I am back on track. My initial thought? OH HE'S THINKING OF ME! HE DIDN'T FORGET AND I MEANT SOMETHING! No, no, and no! He actually thinks I'm his free prostitute!

I can't let this derail me. And you, honey, cannot let what another man does or doesn't do, thinks or doesn't think affect you like this. You are a good person who did a bad thing. And you won't do it again, will you? I'm trying to stop looking in the rearview mirror and obsessing about all the demeaning things I did to myself. I can't change the past and neither can you!! You can only change YOUR thoughts today so that YOUR tomorrows are happy & positive. Starting today you will live a life of integrity. The A is over. Keep it in the past. And trust me........a fishing attempt is just one more disrespectful act. There's nothing good about it.
Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 8:50am
Dearest WGO,
I am here to tell you(and you have gotten so many beautiful responses already to tell you) that you are MORE. You are not that woman who degraded herself to xap any longer. NO MORE. The hurt, yes, it is still there. But the contact is gone, and it needs to stay gone so that our beautiful WGO can do her healing properly. Luvingme said it perfectly...<<<>>> Fishing is nothing more than demanding for attention. Xap's who fish are bottom dwellers. They are NOT doing the work to get better, they are NOT doing the work to HEAL. You, my dear WGO, are doing the work. Let him need to work at those thoughts that afflict you. It is painful and it is the sucky part, but you need to be proactive here. And what really sucks is getting to that acceptance that WE meant NOTHING to him/her. Because if we had, he/she would not have treated us with such disrespect. I am speaking to all of us here. Fishing = disrespect. I will write a separate thread on this soon, to give everyone a chance to write down thoughts.
WGO, I am proud of you for coming here to vent what you feel. You feel like you need to have him contact you, you feel like you need to know that he did not just use is a terrible and awful thing to be used up like a dirty dish rag. The GOOD news is that you are MORE than that used up rag. You are special. You are beautiful. You are worthy of love. We are standing with you in this journey out. It is so slimy in the A-hole, it is a place you do not want to go back to. Eyes forward. Eyes on the prize. You can do this, WGO. We are here to support you through the tough times. Hang in there, sweetie. One day at a time.

Hearts <3

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 9:33am


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 9:44am

What you're feeling right now is something that a LOT of us have gone through.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 9:45am
WGO, you are.a beautiful soul. You really are. You have been supportive of others and open on this board about your pain and struggles. Which I *know* has helped other enders here.

So don't talk smack about my sweet WGO :)

What you did in the A is.*not* who you are. It was a bad coping mechanism for other shiz that was going on with you. And you are working on that in a brave and ooen way.

love and.strength to you
Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 9:58am
Dee, I think you just might be ready to give that T some amazing advice on reframing! lol
(I hope you aren't too nervous for your session)

I agree with Rain - WGO, you are a beautiful soul. Really and truly. :)

Hearts <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2011
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 10:34am
WGO! Ride this wave of turmoil and angst. You'll come out ok on the other side! (( )). You've been doing great, and as was said, this is normal crud to sort through!

Stay focused. You are NOT defined by behavior in the A!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2009
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 10:57am

I guess, of all days he might have contacted me, it would have been the “special day” I mentioned. And even though I kept myself very occupied, and in all honestly was really truly happy last week, I *must*

Every recovery is a kind of rebirth
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 10:58am
Try NOT to hate yourself. Takes a while for that fog to clear. You have gotten some great advice.
Fishing sucks so bad. U may think its cool, but when it happens and throws you off of your rocker. You will feel the pinch.
Be thankful he has not reached out.
Yes, we all understand that you need to feel like you mattered. We all wanted to know that. But in the end, it all really does not really matter. AT ALL. Tough to even read, I know. But you will see in time that we signed up to for this nonsense in a A.
I was a real mess. And all I saw was him. And eventually, I saw what really mattered. Me, my family, my kids....and I lost my H thru it all. That was bad for me anyway, I am fine with it all at this point.

Even 3 years out (got nothing on clarity), I get disgusted with myself. But as she stated, I am not that person anymore. This person did make you happy. And if he did, it was for a little while, and then you were feeling low again. What is there to miss? That life is one of the walking dead....your soul, your self respect, your dignity is gone, continue to restore that....
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida