Not looking forward to this week
Find a Conversation
Not looking forward to this week
|Sun, 03-30-2003 - 5:53pm|
Hi, I am a long time lurker who gets my support from reading all of your wonderful, caring posts, however, this week I have to procede with caution. I could really use some support. I will give you the very short version of my story and if you need more info, just ask. I have been married for 12 1/2 yrs to my high school sweetheart, we have been together 17 yrs and I am 32 and he is 33. We have 2 beautiful children DD 11 and DS 6. Our marriage has always been strange, H was military for 9 years and was gone about 5 yrs out of the first 7 yrs of our marriage. Anytime we had issues, he would volunteer to go somewhere to avoid our discussions. I spent many night crying and trying to figure out if I belong anywhere in his life. H had enough and we separated, I moved back home and took care of my sick mother, while H had an emotional affair with some woman, he then decided he wanted me and the kids, got out of the military and moved home. Theing were great for awhile, but it was only on the outside. H is a MGR for a very large company and makes very good money, about 1 1/2 yrs ago, we started having communication problems and H decided AGAIN, to take a job in another state 500 miles away. He knew I would not that the kids away from their extended families and we were in the middle of remodeling our home and I knew it wouldn't sell. So the kids and I stayed back while he moved in with 2 other single men. H was to come home on twice a month among paying the bills, that lasted maybe 2 months. I couldn't get ahold of him while he was off work and when he was working if I called for anything I was told "I don't have time for you" and he would hang up. It was so bad, that everyone in my small town told me to have an affair, that if anyone deserved to be happy it was me. Well I finally decided to go out with my friend in August, we went to a few bars and the last one we went to had a band playing and the doorman was cute, but young so I didn't think anything of it and we were too wrapped up in my friend's problem. As the night and drinks went on, the doorman became the bartender, well he was talking to another friend and she introduced us, in our small town, I knew his father very well and he knew mine, but because of the age differences and the fact that I hadn't lived there for awhile, he was shocked to find out who I was, as I was shocked to see how good looking he was, (last time I saw him he was 5 yrs old). We ended up going home together that night, and when I dropped him off I didn't expect to ever hear from him again, after all I am 32 yrs old, he was 21 and I have 2 kids and a husband. Two nights later he called and we talked all night, that lasted for 3 nights then I would pick him up at 11:00 pm and take him back before I got the kids up for school and I had to work, within 2 weeks we were living together and the kids loved him, they so needed the attention that H refused to give us. I started divorce procedings, and then the next thing I knew H stopped paying the mortgage and I had to move, so OM and I and kids moved in together, within that month, H moved back to town, I was pregnant to OM and OM refused to work. During that time, H was very supportive, offered to put me on his insurance as my job covered our insurance and I was laid off, H gave me money, bought the kids a ton of clothes and somehow managed to get transferred back. I fianlly had a really deep talk with H and expressed my concerns with OM and H said he would back me in any decision. OM just made things difficult, his insecurites and harrassment caused me to have a miscarriage. Fast forward a few months, H is finally the husband I have dreamed about, OM still has my heart and my soul and H is on a business trip this week, do you know how tempted I am to call OM, just to see how he is, I know he would come over in a heartbeat, but it has been 13 days NC and I just have to be strong. Thank you for letting me get all this off of my shoulders, as nobody I know can know I still am in love with OM, that relationship is not accpetable and I would lose my kids, my family and most of my friends, they all forgave me once, but will not do it again. I just pray I can be strong and go on with my life.