Not like this, not now....
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Not like this, not now....
| Wed, 02-17-2010 - 12:33am |
“Is this how you want to say good bye? Not like this, not now, please.” (He had a loss of his family member around this time of last year.)
That was a text after my silence on his V-day text. Darn it my phone website has an error when I was trying to block his number. Darn, I had to find my phone right before I was getting ready for bed. (it’s my alarm in the morning)
So, I had to say this to him.
“It really shows how much you love me now. How? When? What’s the best way to say good bye? Did you want me to text you good-bye? Is this what you do after you said you didn’t expect me to return your text?? Why, why are you doing this if you even care for me a little bit? Do you need me now? Will you not need me in a few months? Will you need me around this time next year because you want someone to lean on while you are going through your tough time? Will you be there when I need you? Weekends? Holidays? And everyday and night as you are doing to someone that you so want to leave but can’t yet? Will you leave later like you said? Or will you be in another situation where you feel trapped? Can’t you see I’m hurt enough? If you even cared for me, at least you shouldn’t play with my heart. You shouldn’t make me feel guilty. You may be drunk sending this. But you must still be sober enough to delete this text so it’s not seen by anyone. If you even cared for me, please, please, please stop. I want you to be happy and I used to love making you happy. But I’m not going to do that anymore when it’s making me miserable.”
Okay, I wanted to send that to him but to keep my NC rule, I came here to post it here instead.
Going to bed with swelled up eyes. I’m going to look like a crap tomorrow morning. Wonderful! :-\
Good night everyone. And stay strong with your NC!
That was a text after my silence on his V-day text. Darn it my phone website has an error when I was trying to block his number. Darn, I had to find my phone right before I was getting ready for bed. (it’s my alarm in the morning)
So, I had to say this to him.
“It really shows how much you love me now. How? When? What’s the best way to say good bye? Did you want me to text you good-bye? Is this what you do after you said you didn’t expect me to return your text?? Why, why are you doing this if you even care for me a little bit? Do you need me now? Will you not need me in a few months? Will you need me around this time next year because you want someone to lean on while you are going through your tough time? Will you be there when I need you? Weekends? Holidays? And everyday and night as you are doing to someone that you so want to leave but can’t yet? Will you leave later like you said? Or will you be in another situation where you feel trapped? Can’t you see I’m hurt enough? If you even cared for me, at least you shouldn’t play with my heart. You shouldn’t make me feel guilty. You may be drunk sending this. But you must still be sober enough to delete this text so it’s not seen by anyone. If you even cared for me, please, please, please stop. I want you to be happy and I used to love making you happy. But I’m not going to do that anymore when it’s making me miserable.”
Okay, I wanted to send that to him but to keep my NC rule, I came here to post it here instead.
Going to bed with swelled up eyes. I’m going to look like a crap tomorrow morning. Wonderful! :-\
Good night everyone. And stay strong with your NC!

Wow you're post has me in tears. You said all of it so well! It showshow similar affairs are bc I could have used your words. ;)
I'm so proud of you!!! Your xap is making it real tough to let go. I might get stoned for saying this but bc you wrote it so well I would send it word for word and THEN go no contact afterwards. It will give him something to think about and realize it's over.
NC since Dec. 9th 2009
No Contact = No New Hurts
Silence is Golden; Silence is Dignified; Silence speaks volumes.
NC since Dec. 9th 2009
No Contact = No N
m&m,
i TOTALLY think you did the right thing by not sending the message to him. all it would do is broadcast your weakness and crack the door open for more exchange----and we ALL know where that leads us. good, good, GOOD for you for coming here to post. i have awakened with the puffy eyes you went to bed with....ahhhh, what a ride.
lillie
Me~
Stay strong, honey. Don't allow him to play on your sympathies. I hope you were able to get some sleep.
((Hugs))
~ Iddy~
~Iddy~
Personally, I think you did the right thing in posting the email here rather than send it to xAP. Please try and remember that closure never happens in an A "relationship".
There can always be an excuse to not end it, and that is what your xAP is doing, making an excuse. Unfortunately, if you fall for it you just get sucked back into the fog. In the end though, you have to begin to put yourself first and do what's best for you and your family.
Kudos to you for keeping your resolve.
m and m,
It must have been so very hard not to respond and such a long night...your strength last night is helping me get through this terrible day with HIM only a few feet away.
Good for you for staying strong and posting here.
Hugs,
Misty