Not pregnant anymore, started NC 2day

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Not pregnant anymore, started NC 2day
7
Fri, 12-04-2009 - 4:17pm
I have no excuses anymore. No reason to email or call or txt. I am no longer pregnant. I am so hurt. But I ended it. I did. Today I said no more. I am hurting. But I know it is best. NC is only a few hours and I am struggling...
I will get thru. Please just continue your support. I am sure my hormones are all a mess. and that does not help. I just want to accept its over. I want to let go. I want to move on. Just do not know where or how to start, thus me being here for support.
I am trying to take back control.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2008
Fri, 12-04-2009 - 6:08pm

Hi Siennajaden,


I'm glad to see you post again...I've been wondering how you are doing.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Fri, 12-04-2009 - 10:52pm

I initially posted the following sentiment under Dee thread's and then edited to bring it here:


Please, Sienna.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Fri, 12-04-2009 - 11:23pm
I should have never exposed myself...i will be more careful and I hold myself accountable. whether i knew he was married or not. i should have been more careful. thx for your support. i am struggling to let go. i need to and am trying, gotta get thru tonight. mornings are really tough. one day at time sounds so easy but right now, i am hurting. i do believe the pain will lessen, please continue to offer support and comfort. thx.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sat, 12-05-2009 - 12:00am

Yes, Sienna


The pain WILL lessen.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Sat, 12-05-2009 - 10:41am

2nd day of no contact. your post helped this morning. thx. I think he is still a sociopath, he must have gotten into a fight with his wife because suddenly he wanted to come over and hang out and stay with me for a few days till he found his own place (this was b4 no contact started). He admitted they had fought and that he was leaving her...LOL
But he also told me after about a month of I will leave her and be with you that now that he has left her he wants to get his own place and figure some things out for himself. He now wants to be able to do what he wants and answers to no one. He wants to date etc....mind this guy was the most single married person I have every known...he has always cheated on his wife (who I did not know about), that is how much she has dealt with.
So what a slap in the face, after months of i will leave her, he finally leaves cuz she does something wrong, and then to add insult to injury, he wants to be a bachelor and figure out what he wants, what he really wants, and he does not want to lie to anyone anymore. Oh and he still wants to date me...lol
we had this convo the evening after i handled the P, i was in awe.
I had a already decided to end things as soon as i dealt with the P. i knew if I made that sacrifice I was done, mind u, if i were to continue to see him, I might as well had had it...not to mention, I would have to remove myself anyway. I promised myself it was over as soon as I was no longer pregnant. He took me, mind you he was calling his wife and other women as I was at my appt., but he took care of me and he spent the evening with me, I told him that night, when I was coherent, that it was over, to leave me alone, to let me go, and he kept saying fine....
Morning, I took my kids to school. he was still here when i returned. i asked if he remembered what i said and if it was clear. he said yes. he left and that was it. tried to hug me and tell me he loved me and that he always would. i said i dont want that kind of love and that his def of love and mine were different.
Mind you as he left my driveway, he was on the phone making things good with her so he would have somewhere to go...I know he is going back to her and that is just fine...he has others too. It hurts that he was calling them while I was at my appt. but that is ok too. I try to look at it as motivation. He doesnt even know half the stuff I know. But let him be her headache instead of mine. Let him be her drama. Let him lie to her.

I know all his passwords for everything email and phone, I used to obsessively check them. I have promised myself i wont. I have slipped here and there. I wish he would change them but I am not going to contact him to change them....although i would like to. they were given to me by him and he never changed it. he uses the same for everything. so i had more info than his W does. I have thought about doing evil things with this info. things to get back at him. But that takes energy and defeats the purpose of letting go.

My point is...I know this is best and to think this man thought he could casually date me. After I wanna be with you and I am leaving her and we are going to be together and now I need to figure some things out on my own, (mind you I could not date others) but he could. its like, his timing was awful, but perhaps what i needed. I really wanted him out of my home, he never respected me and would use me up until things smoothed over with his wife. I know that. that will help me get thru this day,

Someone so damned selfish. so selfish. it truly disgusts me. I want him to know i know about the calls he was making during my appt, but again what would be the point. I will be here a lot, reading and posting. day 2, i just hope he really stays away

he has blocked me as well, which is good. Cause I do get weak. I hope he keeps me blocked
One thing I am thankful for. I dated this guy six months. Knew about the wife for a month and a half. I am so thankful this did not take more time out of my life....that I did not waste years on something. My issue was the pregnancy. I will heal from that over time...
i knew i had to do it, even tho everything in my being did not want to
but i knew i would never rid myself of him otherwise.
not anytime soon anyway.
sorry this is long, but as i said mornings are always tough for me

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Mon, 12-07-2009 - 10:30am
Trying to get thru day 4. we used to talk all day everyday. this day is rough. he is in my mind. I am not at the point of tears but I did good all weekend. Really well, but now not much is going on, the house is empty and quiet and I am trying to keep my head above water. i am not going to contact him. i dont even have the urge, i just dont want him in my head. i really believe if I get thru this week i ill have more confidence to get thru the next...i have ran out of things to do to keep busy, its only 10 and I dont have to pick up the kids from school for hours. Maybe I just need a little boost. I am also still recovering from the pregnancy...
no reason to contact him anymore. no excuse and I wont. just kinda down.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
Mon, 12-07-2009 - 12:01pm

Hi Sienna,


I know how you're feeling.