Not sure what to do.
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| Tue, 07-20-2004 - 10:13am |
After nearly 3 weeks with NC with XMM i ended up talking to him and somehow lost the run of things. We were arguing again in work and i told XMM i needed proper closure on everything. He finished it with me in work a year ago and all conversations and fighting that have taken place since are in work. One week talking the next week fighting and so on.
He came back to me with an answer and said yes he would meet for closure. He was suppose to ring me the next morning and tell me where to meet him but he did not ring.
I had a terrible weekend. Once again i have left myself open to be hurt and rejection by him.
Trying to pick myself up now and go back to NC. But then today we ended up talking and fighting with eachother again. He says that he will organise something and that we will meet so that it can all be aired out and anything i want to know or want reassurance on can be discussed. It will then never be discussed in work again.
We are now back to talking again. I am not sure what to do. He is suppose to get back to me this week about meeting.
I want to go back to NC regardless of whether we meet or not. Very confused. This time last week i was not talking to him. I was in good form and i know he was very fed up. Now he has all controll back again.
What am i going to do to get back in control of things. Will i agree to meet and not turn up - but that will only be stooping to his level and playing games.
I have never let him down in the past but he has always let me down.
Before if he did something mean like the weekend i would not talk to him and i would be very mad. This time i do not know how i feel.

Has anyone any advice for me?
Should i meet him if he comes back to me with a time/place.
This time it is so different, i do not know how i feel.
All i know is that i am fed up with the tension in work.
I want it all sorted once and for all.
I doubt you'll like my advice, however, here is my male opinion:
Get on with YOUR life.
DO NOT under any circumstances "meet" with xMM. He's an EX for as you say over A YEAR.
Leave him in your past and focus on YOUR life.
I find myself wondering what exactly do you need closure upon after one year?
It's going to be a pointless meeting if you'll only be re-hashing events from a year ago.
Anyway, what can't be answered by "Because he wouldn't leave his DW/DP for me?" or "Because he's an arsehole/liar/jerk or just plain `King of the Cakemen?'"
The tension at work can be remedied by not speaking to him about anything that isn't work related. No exceptions. Ever. If you are unable to stick to that, you might consider seeking gainful employ elsewhere.
You have the power to sort this once and for all, honey, just walk away and don't look back even the once. You have to stop eating yourself up about him, you deserve someone who can, will and wants to be with you, sweetie.
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie