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| Tue, 11-30-2010 - 2:33am |
I just ended an EA/PA with a former coworker who I've been friends with for almost 9 years. Luckily it was only one "month of craziness" as we put it. We met at work, became instant friends, worked closely together and traveled quite a bit, strong attraction, but never acted on it. After we both left our jobs 6 years ago, we kept in touch. He's married 17 years, 2 kids; I'm married 14 years, 2 kids the same age. He moved down south 5 years ago, but kept ties here so would visit on occasion. We'd email, meet for the occasional drink or coffee, but nothing more.
Early this year, his messages to me turned more flirty, and we got together for coffee in September. In October, I finally confessed my feelings to him via text, and that's when the craziness began. Talk about a fog - it was constant texting, phone calls into the late hours. He flew up here right after my birthday, and that's when the EA turned physical. The chemistry was unbelievably intense. We'd say how we missed our chance, how well we fit, how comfortable we were with each other. Our marriages weren't giving us what we needed so we turned to each other, although we never said we would leave our spouses. He told me he loved me, which opened up a whole emotional intensity that was overwhelming. There was a lot of push/pull from him, so it would be great at times, and then he'd pull back or say we shouldn't be in contact for a while. NC never lasted more than a few hours. During the whole time, we said that our friendship was the most important thing, that no matter what happens, we needed to preserve that.
We met up again before Thanksgiving, and spent 2 days and 2 nights together - very intense, very romantic. I knew that it wasn't working though, and he was very distant when he left. Later I got multiple texts telling me that he had no intention of leaving his wife, that I should work through my marriage issues, and that we would talk after Thanksgiving. By this time, I had discovered these boards, and started to recognize what was going on with me, him, and the destructive nature of the affair. I spent several painful days before the holiday missing him but knowing what I had to do. He sent me a quick message on FB on Thanksgiving morning, and after chatting on FB,

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Thank you all for your warm welcome. I'm counting NC in hours today - 16 hrs so far.
((((((JustDT))))))
WELCOME!!!
Welcome to the BEGINNING of the rest of your life - as HAPPY as you choose to have it!!!!
You've come to the right healing place - as you will find the BEST GROUP OF Women & Men with not only wisdom, caring, thoughtful words & support....Strength, TOUGH LOVE, Honesty and Like you...ALL FORMER contortionists within an affair.
You asked...WHAT DO YOU DO NEXT?
Well...BLOCK & WALK. If you type that in the search terms - you'll find MUCH written on the concept - When you do this, you'll be putting a wall of safety between yourself and what is NOT GOOD FOR YOU.
Many of us landed here looking for a NEW PATH. One that didnt involve HURTING both ourselves and others - some of us felt we were in love , some of us were friends, some of us were coworkers....what was common to us all, was that we derived things from the affair that felt good. But Like any addiction, smoking the drug....only made us feel good for a little while...but ALWAYS guaranteed! came the feelings of remorse, shame, guilt, depression, beating up on ourselves, and promising never to do it again.
We want to help you NEVER DO IT AGAIN.
Unfortunately, remaining friends cant happen and you probably already know this.
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