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| Tue, 06-07-2005 - 12:16pm |
Hello all,
Not sure in the past if I ever posted here, it had to be long ago, but I use to post on A board. The thing is I am dealing with the fact that I had a A, but the reasons I did also are effecting my life. Lets go back to beginning. Married young, high school sweetheart. Verbal and some physical abuse in the 15 yrs leading up to my A. Depression I feel is due to heredity and Abuse, then came MM. Who was in my life as a friend of ours. That was 4 yrs ago. A little over a yr ago abuse came to an abrupt halt. Arrest, counsling and a renewed sense of what we (DH & I) want for our kids. Physical A took a back seat, but he remained a constant in my life as a support. At this point it (A) is over, he states I don't need him and H has changed, yes he has, and as I read Domestic Violence board post that isn't the place for me. Depression has lifted somewhat as my self esteem is growing, entering a new career path in fall. So neither is that board.
Marriage is heading to 17 yrs and is as good as any in that time frame. I still not sure how I feel. I sometimes catch myself looking at him wanting to feel something like I do when I look at EXMM. That why I am here. I am lonely in my head because of this A. No one that cares about me in my life knows about A and I need to talk it out on bad days. I have to leave EXMM alone. He knows what is important (our respective families) and worth saving in my life.(now!!!) He is like a silent partner, I know he there whenever I need to talk but he doesn't want to hurt me by being an active part of my life. Anyone in my situation? could use a friend. I thought about marriage board but having a A, puts me in different place I think.
In the past I stop posting on A board due to other peoples judgement on other boards.(not ivillage either) A are just so personal yet so painful and wrong. I know that, but at the time he saved me.I truly believe I would not be here today, I was getting that bad. I am such a different person now. We all make mistakes and sometimes take to long to fix them but I am trying.
Thanks for listening.
Dreamer

I can see why you feel like a round peg trying to squeeze into a square hole, but for the sake of your family and XMM's, the best thing you can do is to REALLY let him go, once and for all. Maybe you have simmered to just a friendship, but if your husband (who you say is trying to make it better after years of abuse) doesn't KNOW about your A with XMM, finding out now, (i.e.,his overhearing something, finding an email, etc.) about your past relationship couldseriously set him back, off, or something worse. Are you willing to play such odds? After all the work the two of you have been doing?
I remained friends with my XMM for several years (but I wasn't married) after our affair. I finally had to face the inevitable that I was NEVER going to move on until I completely let him go. Sometimes you MUST close that door FOR GOOD, especially if people on the other side of it could get hurt by your actions, even if they appear innocent to you. There's history here with XMM, and IMO, you communication is a time bomb waiting to go off at a very UNTIMELY moment in your life.
Let him go sweetie. And stop comparing apples to oranges. H will never measure up to the fantasy we created in our heads over XMM. Give H a chance to at least come close in the REAL WORLD, ok?
Dreamer
I agree completetly with Sunny.
When the need for a medication has past you stop taking it and you remove it from your home because old medications can become harmful over time rather then helpful.
Time for XMM to leave your life, time to institute no contact and focus on your husband marriage and kids, your love for your husband will always be hindered with XMM in your life filling any sort of role.
Free
When I read your reply it was like reading a e-mail from him. He has been saying to move on and let my H be my one and only. I know I have too and agree with both of you.
When is it that when I close my heads I don't see him anymore? It less and less, but yet it still there. There is other circumstances that are also keeping him in my thougths.
His family. We met because of our kids sport activity. Our families have gotten close.
I am giving more space to W who dare i say enjoys my friendship. Do I ever feel bad? Absolutley. But I became friends with him first. It all sounds evil but it was never ment to be that way. There is always more to a persons story, less we judge.
My H and I are taking our lives in a different direction so hopefully in the months to come the seeing and hanging out with them will be much less. XMM knows that the only way I can cut him off is to not hang around.
I get angry at him for pursuing me at all. Men can turn off there thought process much easier then women. I have only been in love twice, and when I married my H I never planned on falling for anyone. Heck I have only been with those 2.
I probably won't write here again, it not worth even talking about. I hope all of you are still hurting can move on and be thankful for the brief love that was shared.
Dreamer
Dreamer
>>"My H and I are taking our lives in a different direction so hopefully in the months to come the seeing and hanging out with them will be much less. XMM knows that the only way I can cut him off is to not hang around."<<<\
This is the right thing to do, I wish you and your husband the best of luck.
Free