Not who I thought he was

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2009
Not who I thought he was
8
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 9:19am

I wanted to share something that happened recently, hopefully this will help others get over their MM.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 10:29am

Cris,


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   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2009
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 10:36am

Thanks Iddy,


It was an eye opener and I feel so much better to be moving forward and not looking back. This truly has helped me get over him, over night at that. It's amazing how much more I appreciate my H.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2010
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 10:53am

cris - thank you for sharing your story, I am so sorry that he threw you under the bus that way but it does not shock me becuase it seems to be "their thing", even after 12 YEARS.....not heard of an A going on for that long and a man doing that but goes to show what they are really like, who they really are.


Your post will help many women on here; it will help us to stop and think "do we really know our AP/XAP", 12 years is a long time. I dont' doubt he loved you but when put on the spot and his butt on the line, all he cared about was protecting himself and is sad.


I am glad your H didn't have to find out and you are happy and off the rollercoaster ride.


Big hugs to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2010
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 7:53am

Cris


That is what I feel happened with my EA with XMM...his wife found out through people we work with that something was going on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2009
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 8:58am

I don't know if I'm more mad at myself or him. Mad at myself for allowing this to go on for so long, thinking that he truly cared. I was one of those women who thought that he was going to come rescue me, be my knight in shining armor. Now I see who he really is, a coward and a selfish man.


I'm allot stronger, now that I see the person who he is. I wanted to share this with everyone, in hopes that it helps. I wish I could erase the past 12 years with him, but instead I'll just learn a valuable lesson from this and move forward. It's crazy how you can go from being deeply in love with someone, to overnight not knowing them.


G, I think sometimes we build these men up to be so perfect, in all reality they aren't. I hope you start to feel better, it's a slow process,but so worth it in the end.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 9:13am

Perfect men/women don't cheat on their W. I know you consider what he did throwing you under the bus but what he is doing is something he has always did. He is protecting his M and family from your A. At this point you are a threat to the security of his M. When you were involved in the A, and kept his secret from his W you were safe, but as soon as his M is threatened he showed you where he really wants to be. There is no way to protect you while keeping his M intact. Remember that you chose to keep this a secret for a very long time both from your DH and his W so now it is time to pay the piper for the bad choices that you both made. You may look at him in a negative light because he is standing by his family but if you think about it he always did stand by his family and you settled for not telling. I don't know if you are in T but T has made me look at myself and my bad behavior head on. It helped me to put the blame for me having an A on myself. No one made me do it, I chose to do it. Once you get to a point where you understand that your choice to stay hidden for that long was something that needs to be dissected your healing will go smoother. After an A is exposed we tend to blame our AP for something that we made a decision to do but that is destructive to healing and moving on to a healthier lifestyle.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 10:05am

Mom,


Thank you for your very frank post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2009
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 3:29pm

Mom-


You are 100% correct