Now, onto more important matters.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Now, onto more important matters.....
31
Wed, 12-16-2009 - 11:47am

To all:


I would like to hear from those of you who are now in NC/strict LC, and how long it has

   ~Iddy~ 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Wed, 12-16-2009 - 12:02pm

its me, newbie, almost two weeks of NC, I am a mess today, I will not break NC, but I posted a tough night under general discussion. I was good for the first 10 days, but am having a set back, loking for validation....i thought i was in a real relationship because for all but the end of the relationship I did not know he was married or had a newborn baby.

So i am confused, I did not choose or know I was in affair. I wont break NC, but I want to tell him how he has made me feel, how I feel like I was hit by a mack truck and how me winding up pregnant with his encouragment because he loved me so BS didnt help.

I am almost always on here, I probably of one of us that post the most. I saw myself going down the path of others in these threads. ..happy I got out before it got that far but I am not sure if i am ormong affair or what I thought was a real relationship, and does it matter? he is what he is, a MM. I willl post my post here. Today is esp hard not sure why.....

I do want some validation...but it should not come from him, it should come from me, yet I wanna know that something was real, and I want to know that from him. But it should not matter although it does....I want to get to the point where it does not.

I just feel like i was doing so well and now I am huting. will post my other post here so you get a more of a feel, it fits and thanks....i stay here for my sanity.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Wed, 12-16-2009 - 12:04pm

here it is...if you missed it where i orginally posted it...thanks again

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I know...i think I want some sort of validation. i guess its because i did not know about the marriage for so long, i thought he was mine, i thought i was in a real relationship. I thought i had a special guy who I was going to have a future with. I really thought my relationship was going somewhere. the fact he is married and hit me like a mack truck, the fact that he had a newborm baby, hurt to my core, esp when i found out I was pregnant. We stopped using condoms, we planned a future.
It may be ego, but I probably want to know if any of it was real at all. Any of it. Can they reallly fake whole relationships? We spent nights together for months and months. I do not know if I am mourning a fake relationship, affair or both.
I guess i just wanted to know if any of it was real and that is what is getting to me, and I know, ladies I know it should not matter....but right now it does. I hope it does not soon, but it does now.
I was really in love with someone who I thought was single. and was going to be with me. But the pain after I found out about the wife was heart wrenching. and he was willing to turn me into his thing on the side....this hurts too. he kept telling me he was leaving her, I did not ever believe him, I let him go.
and I know that was best...I hope this questions subside and do not matter soon, but I wonder what is on his mind, and I realize, regardless, it would not change a thing. he is still married and still deals with a slew of others as well.
just a tough night. i am at a point where it is unbearable, i can now relate to the other posters, that say they can barely function, but for my kids, i would be a total mess. i probably wont get out of bed. Today is pressing me hard. I am not going to break NC. I am just hurting more so than the other days. maybe its because things are setting in. is this what you guys call fog?
Just on me today and I am trying to shake it off....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2009
Wed, 12-16-2009 - 12:50pm

I am on day 24 of NC after ending a year long (mostly physical) A and right now I feel good. Most of the time I feel good but I have had some really tough moments too tho (breaking down and crying in my car or at work). Mondays are tough because I could always count on an email Monday morning. I also have moments where I just want to email or text him and it truly feels like an addiction. Those are the times that I come on here and read, read, read. Like this morning, I REALLY wanted to send a quick email to get that fix but then I read Mickey's story where she had done just that (so sorry Mickey). Things with my H are really good...whenever I'm with him I just want to hang on and never let go.

Here's something you can help me with - why didn't he ever try to contact me after I ended it? I sent an email saying not to email anymore (and didn't block his email for a couple weeks afterwards). But why didn't he?? You'll probably say it doesn't matter why but it does bother me and hurts a bit.

Can't wait to be a tweener!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2009
Wed, 12-16-2009 - 12:54pm
hi Iddy ..it is 27 days NC today. My
"Women can fake orgasms but men can fake entire relationships" -Sharon Stone
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2009
Wed, 12-16-2009 - 2:22pm

Hello!


I am 2 1/2 months NC after an on again, off again 8 year A.

NC since October 2, 2009.

&nbsp
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2009
Wed, 12-16-2009 - 2:25pm

Hi all, I am still in NC and it is now Day 47! I feel pretty proud of myself for sticking with it this time, as in the past I have not lasted more than a few weeks. I have some moments of sadness where I think I am missing him, but I know its just my ego that is missing the stroking, and not JAM.


I have only 2 days left of work and then I am off until the second week of January, so I will be kept busy with all my family and I know that my thoughts of him will hardly make an appearance during this time. I cant wait until that day arrives where I NEVER think of him ANYMORE!!!


Thank you Iddy for all your hard work helping all of us on this board, I could not make it through the days without it!


B

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2008
Wed, 12-16-2009 - 3:05pm

Hi Iddy,


Congrats on the CL :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Wed, 12-16-2009 - 4:20pm

Sienna,


I know you are hurting, honey, and I wish I could take that pain away. Only time can do that so it's going to be a rough ride for a while. Everything you believed about this man turned out to be a lie, and a betrayal like this can cause some deep scars. Please try really hard to see the good that surrounds you through those tears, because you have so much going for you. There are going to be days that are much harder than others; blame it on hormones, bad diet, lack of rest, the full moon, triggers, you name it. Sometimes it just seems unbearable, but I promise you it will get better.


The holidays add even more stress, but keep those little ones close to your heart and try to put on a good front for them. Are you seeing a therapist? Forgive me for not remembering. You MUST set aside time for yourself where you can get some one on one attention, and a therapist makes it all about you for that hour.


What about family and friends? Have you been reconnecting? I know you probably don't feel like doing this, but you would be surprised how much better you will feel when you reach out to others. As far as validation goes, put that need on the back burner right now. What you need most is time to heal and as you get stronger you will start seeing just how much people love and need you. That should be validation enough for now.


(((Hugs)))

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Wed, 12-16-2009 - 4:42pm

LS,


24 days is awesome and I was happy to read that you are feeling good for most of the time. The addiction has passed the 3 week mark, and even though Mondays are still a trigger for you, I promise that will pass too with more time.


<>


Some people may tell you it doesn't matter why, but I know the heart has a hard time accepting that. My opinion is going to be based on why my Xmm never needed an explanation when I ended it. One reason is because without saying it, they are relieved that it has ended, even though the feelings linger on for a while. They are realistic enough to know that calling or making contact wouldn't change anything. Another reason is that many men have very fragile egos, and when we end it first, it knocks them well into tomorrow. They are astounded that we delivered the first punch. To protect themselves they will simply crawl back into their caves. A third reason, and one I always wanted to believe, is they actually respect your decision and care enough about you

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Wed, 12-16-2009 - 5:05pm

Sinking!


Wow. You are just about to reach the one month mark and that is huge. Congrats to you, sweetie.


<<>


It's perfectly normal to feel the things you do. Your psyche and heart are working things through. Broken promises can cut deep, and it will probably take a few more months for those wounds to stop throbbing.


<<<

   ~Iddy~ 


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