the number 6 (my story)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
the number 6 (my story)
Sun, 03-30-2003 - 9:57am
It's been 6 months today since my affair ended. I didn't see it coming but in retrospect I should have seen it coming. There were more and more comments being made about my marriage and our last time together he baited me. I chose my family over him and he chose to move on.

It's been 6 weeks today since my final e-mail contact and my simultaneous discovery of the message boards. The no contact attempt was a long and drawn out process. I sent him several serious letters over the course of about four months and I now realize that each letter represented a stage of grief I was going through. I'll share that some other time.

Last night I had a big talk with my husband about our future together. Our anniversary is this week. As a vote of confidence I showed him my stash of evidence that I started collecting 6 years ago. It's a very long and painful story, but I was saving it in case there was a child custody dispute, to prove that he was an unfit parent. I showed it to him then threw it away - all of it. I'm still exhausted from crying.

My husband has known about my affair for awhile and doesn't care (he has cheated too), but he does care about the economic ramifications of divorce and seems to care about the kids needing a stable family to fall back on. I have told him what he has to do to meet me half way. This offer has an expiration date. I haven't told him when that is because he is the type if I say "by such and such a date", he won't start doing any thing until the day before deadline.

Then this morning I cleaned out the special folder in my e-mail account, you all know what I'm talking about, the one with letters from OM. Got it whittled down to 6! If my husband takes things seriously I'll part with the rest, but for now I can't.

Sometimes people say things on this board that I don't feel compelled to respond to at the time, but then later that idea comes back to me and makes sense. By then I have forgotten who said it but I would like to thank whoever it was who suggested...

...Giving 110 percent to the marriage. I'm not going to do that but I'll give 50 percent (meet half way) which is more than I was willing to do a few days ago.

...Working on making yourself more independent. I need to get serious about organizing my junk so I'll be less encumbered if I have to move. Also, I just got a lead on a new job that offers better benefits and am going to tell them tomorrow that I want to schedule an interview.

...The concept that the XOM is not saving the stuff I gave him "unless it's useful like a CD player" nor is he saving and re-reading old e-mails that I sent him.

Thanks for listening.