Obsessive behaviours...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Obsessive behaviours...
3
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 10:39am
I'm almost embarassed to admit what I've been doing, but I feel I must reach out to others and see if they've gone through the same thing, or have any advice

I'm at the point with OM where I truly feel the affair is over and although its not always 'easy', its much, much better. I think of him, but it doesn't ache like it used to. I guess I'm just coming to accept things.

HOWEVER, and this is a big however, despite that acceptance and truly not wanting to ever be back in the affair, or back with him in any way, I still find myself doing obsessive little actions that I don't understand. I'll often look over at his house to see if the lights are on or if his car is home or even if his wife looks nice on that particular day, if they are going out on the weekend... But the worst of it is that right now he is away on a vacation and I have been checking the weather constantly. Just trying to see what kind of trip they are having I guess. I feel almost like a virtual stalker. I'm not interfering with their life in any way, but I'm feeling like I'm more interested in their life than mine. How can I feel over the relationship yet do these obsessive things? I'm finding it hard to stop. Really hard. Has anyone else been here?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 10:45am
I'm right there with you Crystal. My exMM is on vacation with his dad, and I've checked the weather a few times this weekend to see what kind of trip they might be having. I wouldn't consider your behavior obsessive at all, especially since you have no interest in continuing the relationship. You loved him, you can't help wondering about him. As time goes on you will probably find yourself doing these things less and less until you only think of him from time to time. Right now just consider them habits and try and break yourself of them one at a time. Easier said than done though. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 11:29am
Ugh, I know EXACTLY what you are talking about; I still do the same kinds of things. I think the number one thing holding me back from putting this A behind me for good is the fact that I have way too much easy access to information about XMM's life! And I can't stop myself from looking for that information, just for an occasional glimpse into the life that I once knew so well.

Wish I could advise you on how to get past it, because I'd try to take that advice myself. All I can say is, you're not alone!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 12:25pm
even though i am in a MUCH better place than i have been, i still do this, although my obsessions are becoming fewer and fewer. xMM and i used to discuss every inch of the newspaper and he would often send me clippings from other papers i don't read. So, i started reading that newspaper and scanning it for issues or stories that i knew he had read that i had hoped would make him think of me. I've stopped doing that. I still read a lot of newspapers, but i don't anymore with him in mind.

I also started the stupid habit of checking his horoscope everyday in the paper. Sadly, i still do that.

I am happy that, even though we live close together, i have never had the urge to drive by his house. I only did once. What i saw was a happy family inside with lots of friends around having a celebration. It made me realize that he DOES have a happy home and that my continued presence in his life would have only been destructive for that. He has a good wife and wonderful children.

I used to check a sports message board to see if he was logged on there. I don't do that anymore. I just need to stop checking the stupid horoscope, for crying out loud.

I don't have any advice, but this: in time, as the pain lessens, you will probably do this less and less as you start and continue to focus on yourself. I hope so, for you and me both.

All my best,

Clarice