Odd Experience

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Odd Experience
5
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 1:23pm
Something profoundly odd happened yesterday. I had gone to the mall. I was walking thru the parking lot and I walked in front of a car pulling out of a space. The woman looked me right in the eye & when I looked at her, I realized it was xMM's W. The look on her face was one of horror (or something close). We couldn't stop looking at each other (probably was only a second but felt like an hour). I continued walking and she drove off.

Now, xMM's W does not definitely know about us, however I know she suspected. She & I had the joy of spending a whole day together, sitting side by side (almost on each other's laps) right before xMM & I slept together but while we had been together for 3 months. It was clear that day that she suspected something, but did not come out & ask.

My reaction to seeing her in the parking lot has surprised me. I have always felt bad b/c I knew xMM was married (and of course I am) and I always knew that our A was wrong (I just tried to rationalize it away). But, what has changed now, after seeing her face, is that I feel extremely sad for her & for the destruction I enabled xMM to create. She loves him so much (more than he deserves). I guess seeing her look at me that way was like a slap in the face - for the pain I brought into her life. Like I've said before, I am not the first woman that xMM has cheated on his W with, however, that does not change the fact that I facilitated the further cheating. She has feelings, she has dreams and as one W to another I smashed them. I took time away from her marriage, I shared experiences with her H that she should have shared, not me. I took what was not mine. I feel like such complete and utter scum for doing this to her. Have any of you had this experience, i.e., coming face to face w/MM's W? I am such a bad person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2004
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 3:18pm
I actually had the pleasure of spending a couple of hours with the OMM's W and I think she suspected something, but am not really sure. I think she had attitude towards me since an event last Christmas when her husband kissed my hand and made some inappropriate comments to me, and we hadn't even started the A at that point. When I saw the W, they were together and I noticed that he looked over at me and smiled a couple of times. She was very affectionate w/ the OMM in front of me and he told her to stop it and asked why she was being that way at the time. Anyway, I pretty much ignored both of them and did my work. I felt ill at ease, but I can't say I felt badly about it. I know he didn't, so why should I? I think I would have felt very odd if it had been just her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 3:45pm
Blue

Yes, it was a real wake up call, in fact it was the beginning of the end for the affair.

It was at a golf club not a parking lot not that it matters.

Free

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 4:07pm


I have never encountered the ex-MM's wife, and I do not plan to if I can help it.

You are not a "bad person"...just made a poor choice in being with the OM. Possibly you fell for his "wife doesn't care" "she (wife) does not understand me" lines...now you realize that his wife is a person with feelings, constantly being betrayed, STUCK with a serial philanderer. The only thing you can do is be certain (I understand he is currently your ex) that the "Dog" never touches you again AND PRAY that the WIFE will finally come to her senses and BOUNCE that Dog out of her life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2004
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 4:50pm
Last summer we were both going to be at the same Baseball game. He told me the section he and his family were going to be sitting in. I brought my binoculars because I was very curious. It turned out that they were sitting in the section just across from me and it took me about 30 seconds to find them. I have to admit, I watched them more than the game. What I saw left me disheartened. They were very close at all times, kissing and hugging every now and then (obviously mutual). It was a big dose of reality to see them be affectionate with each other. It was the first time that it really hit me....this is not an unhappily married man, all I am to him is just another woman in his life who strokes his ego and makes him feel like a big man. I'm sure the sex life in his marriage lacks the passion that was there at first...it happens to ALL of us. I think that has been the only "void" missing in his life and I filled it for him.

Then, last Jan. we were both going to be at a crab feed. There were a few hundred people there so I didn't think that I would actually come face to face with OMMW but I was in the rest room and in she walked. We were face to face and I didn't know what to do. Say hi, did you enjoy the food, btw I've been f**king your husband for the last 6 yrs? I am normally very friendly and outgoing and have no problem talking to strangers but it just seemed to weird to talk to her. Later I saw them talking to people and she was hugging him and stroking his back. It's clear that she really loves him. Everytime I start missing him or regretting what's happened, I think about those images and what a wonderful woman she must be to put up with all of his BS and still love him so much, that really helps me to not miss him so much and consentrate on my own spouce who loves me dearly.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 10:04pm

I totally understand how you felt.

Love