oh boy, I've hit bottom

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2005
oh boy, I've hit bottom
Fri, 02-25-2005 - 9:09pm

Wow, just when I start to feel like I'm not alone in the world and I start to breathe again, I hit bottom. Today I saw the ex-wife driving again away from where she lives towards his house. So after work I went for a little drive, yes I know I can hear you all sigh. I'm disappointed with myself. So I want to drive by. As I get close to his house I notice a familiar car in front of me, I think it's her. So as we drive by his house I notice her looking in, only his van is home and once we get by, about 1/4 km away is the fire dept. She pulls in to turn around. While this is happening I can't believe I am catching her stocking her husband. So when she turns she notices me driving by and watches me. So I drove up to my brothers house, no one home, so I turn around and drive back by, she's not there. So I keep driving and see her parked under a street light. So I'm laughing my head off, I pull over and text him. I said 'I think you have a stocker! Hehe.' As I'm getting ready to pull back on the road, she passes by. So I turn around and drive back to see if she turns around. She didn't and then he texted me 'Did you smile? U're on camera!' So I wrote back 'I haven't a clue what you're talking about.I drove by as she was turning at firehall. Then she followed me. Hope she's on camera! Hahaha.' So it gets worse. He never texted back again but then I was even more stupid and when I got home I texted her. 'You know that's stocking eh? hehehehahahah!' I'm as bad as her now aren't I? She used to text stupid things like that to him and me when we were together. And she'd call and say things just as desparate. I know that what I did tonight was wrong but somehow I feel so good. I was pumped when I got home, I hr on the treadmill. This is totally distructive behaviour. When I read the posts of how people are realizing how badly their men treated them and how they see them for who they and aren't, I want to be that person. I know I need to forgive him. Maybe that'll be the only time I will feel better. I don't know. I'm as psycho as I always said she is. Please help me! I don't want to live like this but I don't know any other way to deal with the pain. Please tell me that I can see him for who he is too. Thanks in advance.

The psycho ex-gf