Oh gawd...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Oh gawd...
17
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 7:25pm
So I thought I was doing ok. He’s told everyone just now that by June he will either be going to another job here or another job with a different company downtown. I was doing ok, so why do I now feel like crying? I’ve been ok for these past few days, and now I feel like I want to cry my eyes out and chase him down in the parking garage and beg him not to leave me. I hate this so much. I know all the stuff that I’ve said but it’s not what I feel. I want to be with him. I don’t want him to leave. I don’t want to never see him again which is what will happen. He’s only been in my life since June. Gawd, I feel like I'm back at square one :(

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
In reply to: txfallon
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 7:46pm

hi nut,

im having a bad day at work, OW is flauting herself, its nice and sunny, everyone in the office is giddy except me, they all look forward to the weekend, i dont even know what to do this weekend

sometimes i get a setback, OW makes me feel so sad, she told me today that we have nothing to talk about anymore and that i need to avoid her at all cost

oh well

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2005
In reply to: txfallon
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 7:54pm
Max,
I know you must be going through hell at work :( This MW(or attached W) sounds like she's heartless. I understand the fact that she would want to work on her marriage and thinks she needs to stop talking to you, but damn. Being a MW, I cannot picture being a b*tch to you for MY mistake. Who was the one with the committment? I'm trying to get over my single OM before anything starts, but if something did happen, I can't picture myself acting like that. Well, do you work on Saturdays? If not, like me, I'll obsess over this on my own time and hopefully by monday at work I'll be over it. :O)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
In reply to: txfallon
Sat, 03-12-2005 - 1:27am

i dont understand her, OW kept sending me mixed messages, she says she need to stop this for the sake of her daughter and then she would say that if she did not have all her baggage she will be with me

she always say to me she want me to be happy, well am i happy now, no

i always think of her as my favorite mistake ....

even after all she said to me still cannot muster any angry emotions to her, im still obsess with her, i think this is the right word, i miss all the connection i had with her, im addicted to her

im addicted to her, whatever she gave me i was addicted to it and i am still clinging to her because of that need, its like a drug

im so depress tonite, i been writing in my journal, i read what i wrote before and i am so depress, its so depressing what i wrote

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: txfallon
Sat, 03-12-2005 - 1:47am

Max

How can you avoid her if SHE is the one seeking you out to talk like this, I think the word hipocrite would be the right word to apply to her at the very least.

That is one CRUEL woman Max.

JMHO
Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
In reply to: txfallon
Sat, 03-12-2005 - 2:24am

Free,

i dont know what to think of it, i do avoid her but there is no way to avoid her 100%, i have a feeling she feels bad that i look and feel sad at work

she always tells me she is sorry for what she has done to me, she always said that, it breaks my heart all the time, u could not imagine the stress i am going thru everyday at work, she told me to get over it, like i dont have any feelings, she said she needs me to do it so she can concentrate on her daughter and work, its all she wants now she said

i know OW is right, i need to get over it, its just hard but im getting there, she said we need space and she does not want to deal with me and our issue anymore, she said the relationship is over

i want this to be over already, i think each day it gets better on different level for me, i see a little improvement on myself, not much anxiety, less crying and i am sleeping a bit longer, some setbacks here and there but i am still alive

free, thanks for your words, they all make sense and u always have good insights and advice, if only i can do all of them right now, i know in time i can, just a matter of time

thanks to u and everyone in this board, been my companion in my darkest hours in my life, sometimes i wish i was in Iraq fighting, i think i would prefer that kind of pain and uncertainty in life than this

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
In reply to: txfallon
Sat, 03-12-2005 - 7:41am

<>

Max

I am tryign to stick to this idea and treat it as such. Tryign not to conecentrate on MM as a person but just treat the addiction. I think if I can break that the rest just dissolves to a certain extent.

Your OW is makign this very difficult for you but you will be stronger! Just keep doign what you are doing!

Bria

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
In reply to: txfallon
Sat, 03-12-2005 - 12:22pm

I am feeling a bit lucky right now because even though I see xMM every Mon-Thurs for 8 straight hours sitting right in front of me, we are not mentioning the A at all. I still think about it, but as long as neither he nor I mention it, it gets easier to not dwell on it and get so depressed. I'm not talking about it b/c he's not talking about it and there is no need to bring it up. Even if we are by ourselves, it's not mentioned. Sometimes we are left alone because the others are at break or lunch. I'm hoping that the subject NEVER comes up again, but I am having little conversations in my head about what I will say if he does bring it up. This will prepare me in case he does bring it up. As things are going now, I don't think that will happen, but I want to be prepared in case it does.

It may seem harder that he is acting like this never happened, but when I think about it, it would be even harder if he kept mentioning it, or was asking me if I was ok, or was saying he was sorry, or was in any way referring to the A. I think that I would be still on the roller-coaster if it was being referred to at all.

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