OH MY GOD he emailed me
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OH MY GOD he emailed me
| Thu, 04-15-2004 - 8:51am |
Damn him. Just a stupid little forwarded joke. Not even particularly funny. It just came in my in-box, and I am shaking like a leaf. I was doing so well. Why is he doing this to me?????

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You have the upper hand right now - he sent it to YOU! Show him that you are strong by not responding. You are so done with him!
Sounds like he is testing the waters....seeing if you will respond to a non-descript email. Most likely, he is reminenscing, feeling nostalgic, or just plain misses you. Maybe he is conflicted. Whatever the circumstances.....if you respond, what will be the outcome? Think it ALL the way through to the end....not just with the response to an email; I mean, if you email him back, and then the emails start up again....slowly, then, then, then. Trust me...I've been around that circle a 1000 times. I would be the one to start it up again. Send a "teaser" email...sometimes multiple and continual. Eventually exMM would respond.
If you really want it done with, do not respond. At all. In fact, place his email addy on a delete list, if you can. If not, and he continues to send you stuff---just send a simple email that says "do not send me anything in the future" (not nasty or mean, just to the point. If you work together, which I can't remember if you do, just make it work related emails only!)
good luck...its tough. big hugs
dharma
Can't believe I am *crying*, that this stupid joke email has stirred up so many emotions. I'm glad you all are there to vent to! (haha, see dipss, I'm not so strong! ;))
Anyway, after 3 weeks, he read about something i had done and he emailed me, ending his note with "love, . I shook like a leaf too and chose not to respond to it for a day or two. Then i did, just a carefree response; nothing more. But i have to say, my response opened the door to the contact that we still have today
You have to chose what to do. If you really, really want NC, then you shouldn't respond. If you want to be friends, then go ahead--but know that responding resets the clock for you--as it did for me. Had i not responded to his email last August, i probably would be at 9 months NC now and would probably be in a better place. Our A never restarted after we broke NC--but having him call me, email me, etc. did make me, time and time again, want to restart the A.
It's in your court. My gut tells me, that if you don't know what to do, you shouldn't do anything at all. Sit with it a bit, think about it and then decide. He doesn't know you are on your computer. Maybe you are gone for the day. These things don't require immediate action.
Good luck.
Clarice
Let me begin with YOU ARE STRONG! and I am glad to see that you are also human. I would read all your responses and think somehow you were too strong. So be proud of how far you have come. You are amazing!!! The way you help everyone with such sweet and encouraging advice. So you had a temporary little melt down. So what?! You are entitled. We all are. Put your head down and keep going (advice a good friend told me a while back).
He emailed you cuz' he is testing the waters. Wants to see if you will respond. He is hoping you will. You know that you can. You know that you are dying too. BUT you also know you will feel like crap afterwards. You will feel more miserable if you respond. Cuz' now you are starting all over again. Starting the healing process all over again. I know its not easy. And again I feel uncomfortable giving some of you advice since I am a complete mess....but how could I not respond to my little support hero???
Whatever you decide to do, know that we are here for you!
Extra hugs for you....
dipss, you are so sweet. I really have to thank god for this board! I would be so lost if I didn't have someone to talk to about this, and people like thinkingtomuch to keep me honest! ;)
By the way, any of you toying with the idea of just checking in on your XMM like this, with a little joke or an innocuous phone call -- if you still care about them, *don't do it!* Look how much this has messed me up! I have to believe that if he knew this would shake me up so, he wouldn't have done it!
I keep toying with the idea of checking in and it is tough not to. I was laying in bed thinking last night if he would just send me one email so I could respond and say something like: "you could make this alot easier on me if you would say, I understand, you are right, I had fun too, no regrets!" I think that would make me feel so much better and it would even put the situation back in perspective. Since we never crossed the line to physical, I really believe it would give me the closure I need if I could hear those words from him. Does this make sense??
I didn't respond...and it's been nearly 7 months of NC...I've received 3 or 4 forwarded emails during that time...I responded to one...and it was completely superficial...I heard back from him but his was also superficial...and that's about as empty as it gets...
Good luck to you! Don't respond is my advice...
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