Oh my... total irrational moment right now

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2005
Oh my... total irrational moment right now
4
Mon, 11-15-2010 - 6:41pm

A girl that works here weaseled her way into a convo w/ mm and another guy. Then started talking work, now they are in the conference room together talking. Now the rational side of me KNOWS there is nothing going on, he can't stand her (she just works in a dept he is having issues w/ and trying to resolve) She's not even his type, he does not like women taller then him, and she is a good 1-1/2 feet. I KNOW this is work related, so how the HELL do I get over this jealous insecure feeling? I'm trying to be rational, but all I want to do is tell him he moves on fast and walk out the door. (don't worry I wont!) He wasn't "mine" to begin w/ and he is not mine now. I hate this!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2010
Mon, 11-15-2010 - 6:51pm
Deep breaths. I get the jealousy. This is still new and fresh and your emotions are heightened. What he is or isn't doing does not need to concern you anymore. I know, I know...it does anyways but just keep reminding yourself that what he does or doesn't do is his business. He is not worthy of your thoughts. You can do it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Mon, 11-15-2010 - 7:40pm

I give you credit having to work there with MM.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Mon, 11-15-2010 - 8:23pm

MO,

You are going to have to learn how to wrestle that green-eyed monster to the floor. What I used to do was tell myself that he is not my problem anymore, and I am not his dirty little secret anymore. This made for a win-win situation. Those pangs of jealousy finally waned, but it didn't happen overnight. I realized I had no right to such feelings, as he was never mine in the first place, just like you said. I would advise that you remove yourself from being in close proximity to seeing who he is talking to, or what he is doing. Do you have an office where you can close the door? Or can you take a walk to another part of the building? You have to do whatever it takes to put distance between the two of you when you are feeling uncomfortable. If he walks into the kitchen, then you walk out. If he enters your space, then leave to go the restroom. You know what I am saying.

Sometimes curiosity gets the best of us, but we all know what it did to the cat.:smileywink: The less you know of his comings and goings, the more you are going to protect yourself. You won't have to do this forever...just long enough to break the habits and routines of the past. You need to form new habits....like leaving a little earlier or later than before, parking in a different spot, taking lunch at a different time, etc. It will take planning and strategy, but this is necessary if you want to make it through the work day with as little pain as possible.

Have you read the "Rules for maintaining LC at work" yet? If not, read it, memorize it, draw your boundaries and then stick to them. Eventually it will become your new "normal" but I am not going to sugarcoat the fact that this is going to be very hard. You will go home at night feeling emotionally exhausted just from having to be on your guard all day long. BUT...if you need this job and want to keep it, you *will* do this; for your own sanity and for the sake of your children. If it is at all possible to find another job, I would seriously consider that option as well. Ending a workplace A is going to be one of the hardest things you will ever do. It took me almost 2 years to completely disengage from my Xmm, but once I made up my mind that it was over...it stayed over. The two years was what it took to get my head screwed back on straight. An affair does internal damage, and the more you read this board, the more you will come to understand that ending an A is a long, drawn out process..but so worth it in the end.

Keep posting, venting, and talking about it as much as you need to. This is a journey of a thousand miles and you have taken your first big step. Ending an A is only the beginning. It is what you do with your life from this point on that really counts.

((Hugs))

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2005
Tue, 11-16-2010 - 10:50am

I have read how to keep LC at work, I just don't have the choice to do many of the things listed. We do not have offices here, there all cubicles, and I can't move mine. Staff is all together in a small area, and there are no other options for me to move, plus anywhere else would put him in better eye sight then he already is. (We have a very open office layout). We have 2 parking garages here, and I already park in the lower one (he is in the upper) so if I change that, I will be closer to him. As for lunch, the whole office takes one at 1130-1230. There are no exceptions. I work 7-4, him 630-330. I can't change my schedule (he has leeway, but he WONT change). Last night he stayed till 4, I waited a few minutes until after he left though, so I wouldn't see him as we drove out, or in the stairway. I WANT to not do his paperwork anymore, but a few months ago we were both called into our bosses offices seperately and I was basically told there was "water cooler gossip" about us, and if it came out to be true we would be terminated immediately. My boss then went on to