Oh no, Oh no, NO!!
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| Thu, 03-17-2005 - 9:28am |
He called already twice!! He leaves me these msg's and he sounds so hurt and depressed. He keeps saying that he loves me and does not wnat to lose me or what we have.
I DON'T want to hear it, I want to SEE it and it's impossible to see it NOW, even IF (and boy is that a HUGE IF!!) it were true, that he will finally do what he needs to do, it needs to be for him. Not because he is losing me.
Geez, I'm confused....I hate this....I miss him soooo much but I can't handle this....When will he stop calling? On the last message he said that he is not "disrespecting" my wishes, that he feels that I am walking away because I think it's what's best for him.....he said that "I" am what's best for him. That he is not doing this for me, but that he found courage within himself through me? Free, BS or what? Sadly, I believe him, he has been in such an emotional struggle with his M for so long. I don't know.....
OH, all this "assuming" of how I feel, he doesn't even know how bad it really is.....YES part of me feels it's best for him. He needs time to figure out what he wants and he is going for a huge promotion and he hasn't even concentrated on studying for the exam he needs to take for it. There is so much he needs to handle, I can not be a distraction to him, he has a lot at stake here. OH NO, see, I'm back to worrying about him!!
Did I say that I hate this? Did I say how much I am completely connected to him in every way? Did I say that I need to stop hoping? Did I also say how I always have this urge to "save" him when he is in pain? Who is saving me?
Well, I'll sit here and drive myself nuts all day. Not good, have a ton of work to do and for the first time, I don't feel like drowning in it....
Thanks for letting me vent.....
^^Bunny^^

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Now all i picture is you pacing back and forth thru your office w/ cymbols in hands. Only 3 hours of sleep and still going and going and going! hee hee
Anyways, if he really wants you and loves you then he will get a divorce/seperation and move out from his wife and prove it. That is all you have to ask him. You need to yell at the top of your lungs "SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!!!"
If your "connection" is so real and strong then he will do it no matter what. If he makes b.s. excuses or says "give me more time" than f*ck him and the horse he rode in on. All these men want to pull out the "i'm staying for the kids" card. That is crap. Your kids will be o.k and probably happier in a divorced home then a home full of lies and deceit. I cheated on my husband because i wanted to have my cupcake and eat it too. I had no intentions (even though i kept saying i wanted to) of ever leaving my husband. We cheaters like to have that stability of home/family but also that kick of being sneaky and living a double life. I know every situation is different and everyone feels differently but I highly doubt he is gonna change.
Girl, you don't have time or energy to keep fretting and wondering and waiting for this man. And the sooner it is over the sooner you can start catching some ZZZZ'S and put those damn cymbols down and relax. Even Wonder Woman had that silly invisible plane to sit down and take a breather in now and again. (I am getting a little off subject here....i can't stop thinking about how fantastic a Green Beer would be right now!)
~good luck to you
~nutt
You made me laugh nuttmeg!!!
Your right, and yes, he has already moved out, in mid Feb. The reason I wanted to stop things is because he had moved out once before and went back. I started to get that gut wrenching feeling (by his actions) that he was going to go back again and I figured, uh, NO! I'm not waiting to get smacked in the face again....but he is telling me it's for good this time, telling me that he will show me that this is "it".
Oh well, like I said, I don't want to be the reason, at all, you know? I don't know if I can believe him this time...
Thanks for the laugh though, I really needed it. Oh, and usually it's three, last night was 0, zip, nada, nothing!! Phew, I'm sleepy, but I can definitely go for a festive green ale myself!!
Bunny
i dunno what to say. You knew he'd call. Think about what you WANT for yourself and stick to it. i know you can do it. Prove me right, please.
jen
Jenn, you have more hope in me than I do, how'd you manage to bounce back so strongly?
I feel so weak when it comes to him, I can't figure it out. It eat's away at me everyday. I'm normally a "strong" person in the sense that I always had control. I'm headstrong that way, all of a sudden, I'm mush (for lack of a better term) and hating it.
This past month, I went on two other dates, in between my crazy schedule to get him off my mind....no luck. Every man I meet I compare to him....just not happening, he is the one I want, but I realize that I can't have him...
Thanks for keeping me positive Jenn....
Doves
OP always use the kids as an excuse, if they want to be with u they will be with u
good luck
time to go home
max
Bionic Bunny
Way don't you tell this boy that if he really wants a shot with you NOT to call until the ink is dry on his divorce decree, then and only then will you trust him again.
PUT UP OR SHUT UP BUDDY.
Free
doves,
its a start, go out on dates, are they single men, i take it u are single, right ?
those single men already have a leg up on xmm, they dont have to lie !!!!!
anyways, i know u can do it, he is a fantasy u created in your mind, hey, just look at me, im a mess , i thought OW is my soulmate, i still think she is but right now its not the right time, we may mave many soulmates in our lives, there is always a reason for the things we do
take back your life, be love by someone who can spend time with u, will love u for u, we cant force ourselves on others, if he wants to be with u he will be with u
max
i've managed to bounce back because i have learned many things, most of which i have shared with you. Mostly i have taken the emotion out of it and looked at my situation realistically. But i waited for mm for TWO years. And during most of that time i felt like you did. i won't tell you to wait two years; i won't tell you to wait two minutes. Whatever decision you make i will ask you to own it and follow through. It IS your decision. There probably isn't a "right" or "wrong" only what you need and want and what you will end up doing.
You know, when i say look at the realistic part, i mean the WHOLE part. MM was the probably the most *functional* man i have ever had in my life. He treated me better than any other man and gave me a new standard for R's. He stood by me through my bitter divorce, offered me support and guidance, during a time i needed it most. He was the best sex parnter i've ever had. He instilled confidance in me. He taught me things. NOTHING CAN TAKE AWAY FROM THAT. Nothing can take our memories away. Nothing can take our R away.
But the realistic flip side is that 1) he doesn't want to / won't leave his W. 2) i don't want to be single forever 3) We were hurting alot of people 4) We were in a R that could go no further without commitment.
That second set of things doesn't make all the good things i wrote go away. It just makes it a situation i could no longer proceed with, and in my case, niether could he.
i agree your situation is harder. He is not in agreement with what has to happen. But you know that going in. So plan for it. Execute your decision, whatever it is.
Hope this helped,
jen :)
He'll stop calling, texting, bothering you, etc. when AND ONLY WHEN you STOP answering his attempts at keeping up contact with you.
What he is doing is absolutely rude.
The affair is O.V.E.R. You told him that already.
You do NOT need to have any further contact with him in any manner unless BOTH of you are SINGLE......
That's all it takes.
Delete the phone messages without listening to them. Delete the text messages without reading them. Delete the emails without reading them.
The affair is dead. So is he.......stop letting the ghost haunt you.
cl-nre
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