OH OH!!
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OH OH!!
| Wed, 10-06-2004 - 3:07pm |
Don't know whats happening...oh, oh.....breaking down...for some strange reason I am feeling sentimental...weak...feeling like "we could just be friends"...why can we feel so strong one moment and then all of a sudden WHAMO! hits you like a ton of bricks and i cant seem to control the urge to call him...not to rekindle it but i just miss him as a friend. normal? damn it!!!
was doing so well and i am falling hard for some bizarre reason!
HELP! what do i do?????

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NORMAL!!!!!
As someone posted - this will be one of the hardest things you've ever had to do (if not THE HARDEST) if you do it right!
I am right there with ya, girl. I wrote a letter today to XMM that I will never send to him, but I really believe that if you get those feelings OUT you will feel just a teeny
bit better.
Hang on, the clock is ticking and we will get through this day!
No contact right? Silly to see if we can be friends right? We could never be friends right? Normal that I miss his friendship. I would feel more miserable if I attempted to be his friend right? No good would ever come out of it right?????
Lord give me strength....when I get like this I have no sense at all!! Just react to the emotion...hmmm???? which makes me wonder, why am i feeling like this all of a sudden??
thanks for the supportive words.
xo!
dipss
Everyone says the friend thing does not work.
In my letter to him today I wrote 'If you truly want to be friends then I am willing to try'... but in reality I think I know better. He hid me from his wife. I thought we were friends way back when but when I really stop and think about it (and from everything I've learned on this board) we most likely never were.
It hurts - and I guess it's supposed to.
Well it's time for me to go home and be with my family. It's easier for me at home (not to think of him) than it is when I'm at work.
Take care,
wrkng
Edited 10/6/2004 4:29 pm ET ET by maybekatie
When the hel* did that happen??????????????? Me wishy washy??? UGH!!! That alone makes me want to throw up!
Dignity! Yes. You are right girl!!!!! Keep that word in my head too. Thanks Katie!!
I need those doses of reality checks sometimes.
Almost slipped up! That was a close call...I almost didnt post here. Good thing I did.
Big hugs to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
XOXO!!!
Dipps. Head Strong Dipss! :)
Sweetheart, Last week this hit me like a ton of bricks. I cried I felt depressed, I could not stop the urge of wanting to contact him. The thing is I found the strenght to get thru those days with this board and one of my closest friends. (ONLY PERSON WHO KENW ABOUT US) I asked OM if he could treat me like a friend when we called it quits, and just like I told him no he was as honest. Said NO. There were to many feelings involved and are circle of life was just very different. Every ending is different, Mine ended on good terms. BUT IT IS OVER. I do love him but I also no and tell myself eventually this was going to end. Vent your feelings on this board, it helps alot. Here for u if needed.
Wishing all the strenght and courage to get thru this.
Lady Bug
agree with all here: Your's is not a bizarre but a normal reaction early in the separation. I myself had many real setbacks (I kept on writing to him, although I got no reaction) at the beginning of the end -- but what kept me going was that I tried not to feel TOO guilty about those "failures" of mine.
Keeping NC is so hard at times, but heaving guilt on yourself for having become weak just makes it worse, I felt. I said to myself: "OK, you've become weak - that doesn't make you a terrible person. You made a mistake, you even may make it again. BUT you can start anew each new day. One setback doesn't mean you've caved in completely."
(It's like this with every addiction: If an alcoholic will say to himself "Now I've had one drink, I will never be able to stop, I'm just too weak", it'll be so much harder for him to make a new start.)
Telling myself this made me stronger not to wallow in my weakness, and being all the more able to get over a setback and start again immediately a new resolve for NC.
But, of course, it's also really tough to START NC again, while on the other side, STICKING to NC will make you stronger every time you were tempted and didn't give in. Read the posts: It DOES get better and easier with time - and you doing other things and concentrating on your own life.
One thing that really helped me was to write and write and write -- for MYSELF, in my diary. Or tell it to a friend; the more often ou get it off your chest, the easier it will feel. Of course, the analysis willhave to stop sometimes - otherwise you might get addicted to that ;-) but I found, after a long time of writing things down, I had "written myself out". Everything more felt/read stale, frozen, old-fashioned. Finally, I could stop writing - knowing that option would still be open to me in case of a setback.
Wishing you lots of strngth and happiness in your life,
M.
the friends thing doesnt work. when i see him or hear from him it takes me back to square one.
im holding on to nc from now on and im turning to the board for help. yesterday i caved in and called him to find he stayed quiet on the other side of the line because he knew it was me. i felt like a fool.
to top things im going to my om's girlfriends wedding shower and to his wedding in november. i really want this to pass already so i can go on.
it is very hard. but we have to break free from this fantasy. in the end for me it has been a terrible experience because it has messed up my life.
i want to be happy again. i want to be happy with me!!!
so you and i are going to hang out here and help each other. (i need help desperately) and day by day we will make it.
thanks for listening and lets be strong!!!
I have a question for you, Are you still holding on to hope? I dont know your circumstances, but you need to break away from that circle. It is only going to prolong the agony.
Do you really need to go to the shower and there wedding? If you ask me that would be the all time blow for me if I was in your shoes. I hope you can get pass this.
NO CONTACT IS SO IMPORTANT, I beleive if you stick to it is when you start the healing process and you start feeling the happiness in your life again.....
This board helps alot, Stay in touch, vent your feelings here it helps so much.
Take Care
Here if u need me.
Just wanted to say thank you for the supportive words....
A little confused...you have to go to HIS wedding???? Not sure if I am reading that right.
I know the NC is really the only solution to clearing our minds, and allowing us to find peace with in ourselves...it is hard but I am learning that is the only way to break free.
Today marks 3 weeks NC. Can't believe I actually made it this far. I agree time for us to be strong!
xo.
Dipss
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