Oh that was sooooo hard
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| Sun, 10-31-2010 - 3:20am |
Hi all
So Im about 7 weeks in I think. Im still having a hard time but getting there. I went away this weekend with girlfriends and we went to a city that I used to go to with exAP for naughty trips away. It was bizarre, strangely my gf's and I did a few things that had us in the same area where exAP and I used to walk hand-in-hand, whispering loving nothings to each other (UGH).
So I knew where we were going, prepraed myself, even kept reminding myself of negative things about being away with exAP. BUT its was soooooo hard! Far out! I really struggled keeping my mind in the present and not wandering back to those days.
One thing that kept me in check was reminding myself that our little trips away were basically made of three components. Me stroking his ego. Me wondering what the hell I could say better/do better. Me performing sexual acts that he wanted and in the way he wanted. I realised that our trips away were really just the times when I took my prostitution act on the road :) It was my tour de force :)
So that was a bit better- having a tangible yukky thought. But still- needing some love tonight- my trip away thsi wekend was so wonderful with my friends but very hard when it comes to my NC journey.
Baby steps.......
Iggy xxx

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You're getting the icky stuff out if the way! :)
Taking my prostitution act on the road ---
oh yeah, I raise my hand, I did that as well. But instead of being paid for my sexual favors, I paid xAP.
I paid not only with real money, but I paid with my dignity and self respect.
And being "d-you'd", oh my goodness that's a good one I haven't seen here!
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