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| Fri, 04-30-2010 - 2:47pm |
H has a new voicemail system where he has the option of utilizing an individual greeting message for particular callers. I just called his cell and his greeting for me is Bill Withers' Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone. Very romantic. Very sweet. Makes me hopeful that he's taking a step in the right direction towards noticing I am alive. Here's the rub... that particular song is a HUGE trigger for me re: xAP. How frickin' much does that suck??? Massive, that's how much. I feel like a complete pile of sh*t.
It's too late now for us - we've made our beds and oh, man how I regret that I reap the poop I sowed. No avoiding it - and no idea how to deal with it, either. I think I'll full-on bitch slap the next woman I know who says she's considering an affair.
Oy and angst.
Dee

Ahhh, that's not good, huh Dee? Wish I had a better answer for you.
Torpedo the triggers!
Dee- your post really got me thinking because it seems like there's always something to remind me of xap. And why is that? Well, I decided to poop where I work and play, so I am always stepping in a steaming pile of it when I least expect it... That's what I get.
For instance- yes, I got a new job, but it's at a non-profit org for which I've volunteered for years and xap and I had an encounter here once when he was helping me photograph a big art fundraiser for the org. So yeah... I may be in a new job, but now I am reminded of that encounter everytime I pass that room. Strange huh?
And of course, there have been times when something my H has done or said totally reminds me of xap. I am so glad they don't like the same music or I'd be done for.
I have a theory- it's called desensitization. Yes, when you hear that song
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
I just sent you a private reply on your email.
xo
Dee
Jane,
I love that desensitization concept. It has worked for me in a lot of ways. I actually would listen to that damn Lady Antebelum "Need you Now" song and it just is plain annoying. I knew it before it was popular and I was a newbie and that dog gone song just messed with me something awful. But I forced myself to listen to it and now its just an annoying song with nothing to it.
I also drive by the doctors office where I went for my appt everyday. I know that sounds crazy, but I have to drive by it twice daily to pick up kids to/from school. There is no going around it. I did it intentionally. I did. I forced myself to drive by there so that I could deal with it and eventually drive right by and not even think of what happened there, let alone exAP.
I have this built in self defense mechanisms and they work for me. I know they do. I just like you that you have brought them to my attention and named it.
Your awesome and appreciated.
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida