OK... Guardticker..(m)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
OK... Guardticker..(m)
2
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 1:13am
OK... already!!! We all know that we have done wrong. We don't need to hear it over and over again. So???? I am married also. It just happened that I had an EMA. I wasn't looking for it. Now all I want is the pain to stop and not beating myself up how many people I have hurt. So what??? We all made a mistake. Now all we want to do is get over it. In every one of your posts you ask: How any of us "DARE" to hurt other people, like the OM and the his W, our DH and kids and so on. How we dare???? Sh** happens. I don't think any of us started an A just to try to hurt someone. Most of us on this board fell in love. That is all. The good sex was just a bonus. Like for me. I fell in love first. I can't help that the sex was the greatest I ever had. Now it's over. I hate my xom but I still miss him terribly. I do not want him back. However, I will always have a void in me which no one ever will be able to fill like he did . We are all here to heal and get over the pain. I know that I have done wrong. We are all humans. Still.... If I could ,I would do it over again with him. The excitement , the highs , the stolen moments together..... I think that is when I was the happiest in my life and also the saddest. Oh well.... I don't meant to argue with you I am just asking you.. to go kind of easy on us who are still suffering. Blue.
Avatar for guardedticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 8:14am
The question Blue is this. When do you want the suffering to end? And what are you willing to do in order to make it end? My posts were NEVER about not understanding the pain and suffering one goes through in ending an affair, it was about the fact that many singles don't feel comfortable posting their true feelings because it involves some pretty harsh anger towards their MM. It's over, I now know that I cannot speak openly about my own pain and frustration regarding my own situation because I am single and my wrath is pointed to a married person. When I post, it is usually in general terms but that doesn't work. So I am going to refrain from it all together.

You have a nice day.

GT

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2003
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 9:54am
bluesky - I am a married woman who also had an A that has ended. I wish i had started posting a long time ago when the pain was very fresh, then the poeple here would know where I am coming from and I just can't bear to rehash it all again. Ive gotten a lot of encouragement here over the past year through lurking. Ive also seen some pretty angry people, which i understand. I am lucky. Although my A ending was very painful for me, we ended it with respect and understanding. It never crossed my mind the extent of the pain I caused my SOM until I read it here. It did open my eyes. He seemed to enjoy, love, and get a lot of benefit from the A at the time, just as I did. Now that it is over I can sure see where we really hurt each other, Im sure he can too. But I hope he doesnt hate or have as much anger towards me as Ive seen others here have after the fact. But every A is different, every ending is different and as I said in an earlier, we all need to stop generalizing all M people and all S people and stop adding more guilt to each others burdens. Yes, I know M people lie to their families to have an affair. GUILTY!!! Do I like that I did that? NO! Have I forgiven myself and learned? YES! You are right, i dont need to KEEP HEARING IT. Single people have a responsiblity too. SOMETIMES they interfere in rocky relationships that might work themselves out if there wasn't someone in the wings. Many married people who have found out about their spouses affairs feel like the affair partner had a lot of influence. I am sure my SM influenced me to continue with him. Anyway... we have more in common than different.

GT I got a lot of my earlier support reading protected heart postings, lately it seems you are showing and feeling a lot of anger and Im glad you posted that you are getting help for that.

BTW, I got my screen name from a therapist that really helped me. The first day I saw him he told me the speed of my recovery was up to me. It's taking a long long time, but at least I know it is something I can do something about, same goes for anger.

Glad to be coming out of the closet and posting ... Itzup2u