OK-I'm here for my butt kickin!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
OK-I'm here for my butt kickin!!!!
4
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 9:12pm
Ok, I messed up.. I was doing so good to or so I thought. XMM and I had been at NC for a long time and whenever we went thru these times he would always break it. Well it happened again last week. He called my work and asked me if I has lunch plans.I said yes .(first time ever in about 3 years he did this.) He offered to take me to lunch (lunch only) and if I didn't want to change my plans he would understand. Well I did indeed change my plans. We met and he kissed me, then were rode to get something to eat. He said that he missed me, and how he hated it cause he never gets to talk to me anymore, etc, etc. Then he went on to talk about the sex that we never had and how he needed to be with me, blah,blah,blah. I left there feeling at first like, "gosh he came after me cause he loves me" then after I got settled back into my job at work it hit me. He was indeed trying to manipulate me into getting back into the "affair mode" for sex. The rest of the day I had a strong feeling in my gut that this was so correct. I didn't hear from him anymore that day, then after a couple days went by I decided to test him. I called him to see if he could get out and meet me. He said he was busy working on something at home and would get back with me alittle later. Well he never called the rest of the day. Today he called me again and asked me what I did this past weekend and I told him shopping etc, the usual stuff I do but also included going for a drive with H on his motorcycle. I think that struck a nerve cause he called alittle later and briefly asked about it and I changed the subject. (During our lunch he asked me how my marriage was going and I told him takin the good with the bad, you know how it is).

Now I know I should have not gone to meet him and I probably should have told a little white lie about my marriage. But maybe it worked out this way for a reason. The gut feeling I had after the meeting was so strong I couldn't believe it. Believe it or not, it has helped me keep the realization that all he is after is sex, no matter how much he says he loves me.

I feel that he will call again. He like other MM in affairs, they are hunters and I'm sure he will try and stalk his prey at least one more time.


I will confess to tho, that I did tell him I missed him and loved him still but couldn't help it that I wasn't a player. These feelings are true, But I know they should have not been said. I have learned a lesson from this but still am here for my butt kickin :) Ha! Ha!

Thanks for listening and being there.

TCOM

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 12:33am
Hello TCOM

It is a good thing for you that it is late and I am tired or you would get that butt kicking for sure and if you do anything that STUPID again girl you will, but for now please read this post I have cut and pasted in, SEE THIS JERK IN IT.

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My xMM is a narcissist. I don't know how many of your MMs are/were too, but I thought I'd pass on this piece of wisdom I received today from my therapist. I was discussing how it seemed like ever time I backed off a bit from xMM or began to institute NC, he would come flying back into my life full force. Now, during our A xMM never really withdrew from me, the longest time was for a week when he was on vacation w/his W & sometimes he would decrease the amount of time we'd talk/email in a given day, but I know I've read many posts here where MMs go for weeks or months w/o calling/emailing or whatever. Well, according to my therapist, getting dumped/being avoided by their MW or OW is highly painful for the narcissistic MM. After all, he is driven by the thrill/validation/ego boost that having sex w/a woman (usually many different women) while still married provides. He can often not comprehend the idea that the woman he so successfully wooed/bedded, etc. would ever want to leave him. He needs it to be his choice. Some MW/OW may see this as MM coming to his senses and realizing how much he's missed them, but in reality it often is simply MM needing to reestablish his control.

I think this explains a lot. So many posts I read are about how MMs come back into OW/MW's lives after the OW/MW have instituted NC or have tried to limit contact. And I think this helps explain why it often appears so "easy" for some MMs to simply end it while the OW/MW is left sad/confused/emotionally drained/hurt.

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DO you really want to give that A$$ control over your life again, do you want to be his toy that he plays with when it suits him , DO YOU WANT TO BE USED, because hon there is NO LOVE HERE AT ALL going either way, this guy is just another SICK PUPPY.

Grrrrrr

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 5:45am
Free- NO, I do not want to give him control over my life again and I'm glad my gut feeling kicked in when it did. Bad judgement on my part but I will be okay. And I want to say THANK YOU for your reply. A lesson learned. Getting back to the trail of being happy is where I'm going. Having him in my life is to draining and hard on my emotions. It's just not worth it anymore.

My friends have noticed the happiness and smile I have been wearing more since I had him OUT of my life. I like that feeling.

Again THANK YOU for the support. Thanks for being there!!

Have a good day.

TCOM

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 7:27am
SLAP!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 1:06pm
Thanks, I'll call it my reality slap!!!

Have a good day!!