Ok so this isnt about love after all!!!!
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Ok so this isnt about love after all!!!!
| Sun, 12-27-2009 - 9:03pm |
I did quite a bit of soul searching "while in Bed" been there most of today as well other than to come on here. I realized and this is a no brainer for most of you. I realized that this has to do ALOT with validation. You will kill me and believe me I did this in a moment of weakness (ok ok no excuse) I messaged him and he replied with a positive message. I got this mini thrill that lasted a whole 5 minutes. Than I felt horrible again. It is not him It is me. ! :S I seek his validation and I know obviously that it cant come from him and if it does it is from mere stolen moments! SIGH
Edited 12/27/2009 9:17 pm ET by i_believe_in_myself
Edited 12/27/2009 9:17 pm ET by i_believe_in_myself

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I think you are (anyone is)
Thanks for the HUGS :)
I am so sorry I made you work a little harder to piece my post together Empowerment. Funny thing is that is how I feel. My emotions are going so wild. BUT.. I feel different! I am still an emotional mess.. but I feel like this is about me now. I dont think today that is I felt I missed him. I did however get into thoughts of this OW and how he is probably so crazy about her as he was about me.
You are so right with what you said in your post! That is me. I cant stop crying. Its a good thing. Its a good thing when you are understood. I have a friend over 27 years that I have had chats about this and she came back with "everyone has their problems" I dropped it after that point. Mind you she had alot on her plate as well. Anyway.. there i go off again. I find my obsessive thinking is on the OW and him and how much in BLISS they are!!
Oh and to answer your question unfortunately I did know he was in a R. We were friends for a long time. He called me out of the blue and asked me out for a coffee. I refused a couple of times. Than I thought Why not. Well that is where it all began. He would tell me how horrible he has it at home and how he is not appreciated etc etc. I felt so bad for him. So here I am today.. nearly 3 years later...
On to more important things, first of all I am not sure if i should apologize as I know this board is about EAS and here I go digging into father/ daughter stuff. But Clarity posted a book (which I need to find) and it stated that fathers shape the woman's life. So true. And Empowerment when I read the part about the things I wish to have heard by my father in my growing years... the tears just streamed down my face. I wish he would protect me against the bad boys (no one is too good for my daughter) or call me his princess (whatever) but instead he just left. He got remarried and that was it. I am an adult for crying out loud how could I let this come into my life now???? I buried that deep deep in there somewhere. Counseling is an awesome idea and I will start by looking for someone who I could be compatible with. I will also come here. Although you are not a psy- anything you are a woman and have understanding :)
Yes, I will start journalling.. I will I will... You are so right once you put it out there you are able to reflect on your progress :) I have been up way to late this week. Off for the holidays so I have way to much time to stew over XAP and XAP's OW and off course I had to dig deeper leave it to me to open the wound even more LOL.
Talk soon!
--Shawn Alexander
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