Okay, Here goes...........

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Okay, Here goes...........
1
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 8:40am
I must get this off my chest. I have been real good at NC for a long while now. Last week was very tough for me. (Hopefully it was just hormones). Alot of emotions, good & bad running thru my head. XMM called me towards the end of the week. And I have to confess, yes I spoke to him. (I know, shame on me for letting my guard down). He told me that he can't fight his feelings and that if I choose the have him I can. He sounds like he can't get over it. So here I sit again. Asking myself WHY,WHY,WHY.

We have been at this thing for 2+ years now and we have not had s** for almost 1 1/2 years. I have told him so many times that I can't do this anymore, and that I am not a player and he needs to move on. I am not a person that can be rude and abrasive to another person. (My husband my tell you differently tho!!! HA!) XMM has told me several times that he just can't let go, and in the past when we attempted to be together, I would feel guilty and get cold feet and up and leave him and go home. Most men would just move on and find somebody else to "play with". He always comes back.

I asked myself, am I just that much of a push over that he is trying to manipulate me, into giving in to his needs? or is it something else. I just can't figure it out.

It tears me up to think that his is getting his needs met by another (not his wife), which I'm sure he is. Not many men can go without S** for very long. But I really should not concern myself with that, I know.

Thank you in advance for any support you can give. And I know I will get thru this. Somehow I always manage.

TCOM

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 8:51am
Taking care of YOU:

It sounds to me like your XMM is just as much addicted to the A as most people are that post here. Your relationship was not just about sex, obviously. Neither was mine, we had a long distance A. This isnt about his needs being met as you say. He loved the way the A made him feel, he loved the way you made him feel. After an A is ended and you have to go back to a bad marriage it is very difficult. This man had the chance to leave his W, as you did with your H. You both stayed in your marriages for whatever reasons. You have to remember that. Playing the fence can go on for a very long time....but it does take alot out of us, doesn't it? I felt it to be a very gut wrenching experience. I think there are women out there that can have the lover and put him in perspective and not let it upset their world too much. I wasn't one of those women, and you do not sound like one of those women either.

Do not beat yourself up for breaking NC. I have done it, others have done it. The important thing is that you do what is right for you. That you don't wind up in an unhappy place again. that you TAKE CARE OF YOU, like your name says. It is easy for you to worry now about XMM because he sounds unhappy but you can't be responsible for his happiness.

Jazzdiva