Okay, this is it

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Okay, this is it
4
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 1:51pm
Just moved over from the "Affair Support" board. This all came up pretty suddenly. We were fine, I wrote a letter, spilled my guts, called him, he spilled his (pretty much same guts) but threw in that he wasn't being fair to his W and wanted to work on his M. I'm still not really willing to let go, but what can you do? So here I am. Turned the cell phones off. Not just on vibrate, OFF. Figured better to end it now. peacfully, quietly and where we can still remain friends. The end of our phone conversation I told him he could come over Tuesday if he wanted to. He said he'd see. So we'll see. That's a whole week away. Lunchtime and mornings are hardest. But I know it's over, I really do. I figure he's probably been trying to end it peacfully for some time now (he knows I can ruin his life, not that I would, but I could). This is it. I really should work on my M anyway. My H is a really great guy and doesn't deserve any of this, no matter how much he's cheated on me. So I'm sitting at work, bored, doing everything I can not to call him. Funny, but it isn't as hard as I thought. I might survive this after all.

Thanks for listening.....

jellie :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2003
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 5:27pm
Hi Jellie..

I made it over to this board from MAS a few months ago..I just wanted to welcome you and let you know that things do get better!

The first day is always the hardest and if there is anyway possible just go NC for a while. I still talk to XMM occasionally (once or twice a month on yahoo) and we have seemed to be able to friends in that respect. I do know there is no way I could ever SEE him again, sad to say but I would be all over him..LOL.


I also started working/paying more attention to my marriage and H and I seem to be getting along much better since XMM is not on my mind all the time..Try to keep yourself focused on your H and your family and dont let OM get in your head..

I just wanted to welcome you and to let you know that this is a GREAT place to get support..everyone here is very helpful and very willing to listen and give advice when asked!

Miles of Smiles

MB

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 5:53pm
Hi Jellie,

I'm an old poster/lurker and like to post to those just embarking on ending their affair.

It is possible,and you will do it so long as you keep the cell phone off and do not contact him.It won't always be easy (there were times i felt like cutting my arm off to stop me calling him - i figured it would be less painful)but i didn't give in,and i'm so over him.I'm single,but happier single than being a bit on the side.

Don't dwell too much on remaining friends.Some of them don't want friendships that no longer involve sex.

If you talk with him again - tell him you're not really into affairs anymore.It helped me to be the one to end it 0 even though i knew he would have evenyually!

Easier to be the walker than the hanger-on!!!

Good luck to you,keep posting on this site,it dragged me from the gutter!!!

Take care

katie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 6:07pm
hi there Jellie--

Welcome! It's funny -- each us is surprised to end up in an A -- then we end up on this board and we're surprised to be here as well.

Those darn As take up so much time and energy, don't they!!??!!? Try to find a way to fill up the time you have spent on the XMM -- sounds like you are already doing that by investing some time and effort into your M. Way to go!!

You really do have the strength and courage inside of you to end things and maintain NC! Just remember that every time you get that urge to call or email or IM him, come here and talk to us instead :-)

Meg

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 10:40am
It's funny, but it does seem to get easier with every passing moment. I've definitely gone thru the 7 stages of grief. H and I were just talking this morning and it felt like old times, like when we used to be close, before we moved. I think I started with the A out of loneliness, new city, no friends, etc etc etc. I do still want to be friends with MM and I'd like to keep it open for more (just in case) which somehow I think makes it easier to walk away. Luckily we don't see each other that often (probably not at all now that I'm not trying to get together) because I'm positive I'd try to start it up again. But yeah, I'll be here often. Hopefully I can get to a point where I can even offer help and advice myself. But for now, I'll just mostly read and heal and take a deep breath and turn the phone OFF.


Thanks all,

jellie :)